One of our kind
by xx-J.C.-xx
Summary: Being thrown into a new world you know nothing about is always frightening; especially if you are on your own. Emily had to fight with this ever since she awoke as one of the living dead. However, even as a dead person she can't find peace. Haunted by her past mistakes, she stumbles across a coven of vampires who have one thing in common with her. Now her life seems to begin anew.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Golden eyes**

* * *

I had been alone for a while now. Running through widespread forests, steep mountains and shallow valleys made it difficult to keep track of time. As the minutes ticked by and days turned into weeks, the silence around me was my lone companion. I couldn't even recall the last time I had been close to civilisation or inside a house. The clothes on my body were the only things I owned and even those were slowly starting to wear thin.

But I wasn't quite ready to return to civilisation yet; the presence of humans still unsettled me. The diet of animal blood served me quite well but having to resist the temptation each time I got too close to another person scared me. It was impossible to relax so close to a fluttering heartbeat. Each breath aiding the thick, warm blood flow as it pumped through their thin veins. Hearing their pulse quicken when they-

I winced as a stinging sensation burned my throat and swallowed heavily as poison filled my mouth. This is exactly why I kept away from humans. It really wasn't fair. I didn't hate human beings nor saw them as less than my kind, simply existing to be used as a source of nourishment. After all, I once lead a human life as well. How could other vampires forget that so easily and feel entitled enough to place themselves above them? That was exactly why I chose this rather strange diet to begin with. It kept me relatively healthy even though I knew that human blood would provide me with more strength.

Over the time of two years of my new life I had come to meet all sorts of different covens. I learnt quickly that refusing to drink human blood was not considered normal. Thankfully, I was clever enough to hide my secret and never agreed to travel with others of my kind. However, I always stayed to listen to their tales. How they came to be, what their lifestyles were like, their views on the world and its creatures inhabiting it. Out of all of these opinions one clearly stood out: Refusing to drink human blood was unnatural to each and every one of them.

Statements like these made definitely made me question my own decision multiple times. However, staying true to my words, I kept myself hidden; far away from humans because I knew that I couldn't resist the temptation would it come down to it. I simply lacked the willpower and experience, their scent would be overwhelming and I wouldn't be able to control myself.

As I parted the branches in front of me, I reached a clearing and felt like I could finally relax a bit. These forests were completely isolated and no human being could find their way that deep into this maze of trees. Just in case, I strained my ears and searched for anything out of the ordinary but was only met by the gurgling sound of a nearby stream. Hidden inside the dark shadows the treetops cast, were the sounds of faint heartbeats, which indicated the presence of herbivorous animals. Probably a herd of deer going by the noises their hooves made and the lightness of their steps.

At that moment the clouds above my head finally gave way and let the streams of golden rays touch the soil beneath my feet. As I held my hand out towards the sunlight I couldn't help but marvel at the way my skin broke out into an array of diamonds. I didn't think I could ever get used to this sight; it was mesmerizing each time it happened. The sunlight against my icy skin felt almost warm and I savoured the sensation.

Such peaceful moments sadly also always evoked a deep loneliness inside of me. I didn't want to stay on my own anymore. The craving for companionship had slowly crept up on me and my measly two years of life felt like an eternity. But I knew that that was an impossible wish. I would kill any human who dared getting too close and other vampires weren't accepting of my lifestyle. So there really only was one option left, wasn't there?

The leaves crunched underneath the sole of my feet as I slowly walked closer to the river. Chords of soft light shone through the treetops and made the brook's turquoise-blue surface sparkle wherever the rays' soft touch grazed it. Seeping and snaking smoothly past all obstacles, the water wound its way around the river's boulders that were disrupting its steady stream.

Without thinking I leaped into the air, enjoying the short rush of air as it dishevelled my hair and landed nimbly on one of the smooth limestones sticking out of the water's surface. It wasn't difficult to hold my balance and I was certain that I wouldn't be able to slip, especially not with reflexes as quick as mine. Pebbles whisked about in the under wash like pieces of glitter and twigs twirled on the water's murmuring surface.

What caught my attention however was my own reflection staring back at me. The first time I had caught sight of myself I was understandably quite shocked. The marble skin without any scars or blemishes appeared to softly glow, even without the light of day. My hair, even though it had never been properly washed since my transformation, fell softly around my face. Even with specks of dirt staining my clothes I never looked unkempt. And my eyes… I slowly reached up to touch the side of my cheek and watched the person in the water replicate my movement.

The first time I had met the person in the reflection, a pair of vivid, crimson coloured eyes stared back at me; the shade of red so aggressive and bright that it had frightened me. The second time, after we two had become more acquainted with each other, I noticed that the iris had started to lighten up, turning dark orange. And now…they were of a liquid gold colour, the farthest away from the blood red they had started with. The person in the reflection slowly raised an eyebrow at this newfound discovery.  
"This will only distinguish you even more from the others." It seemed to tell me.  
"No vampire you have ever come across has had eyes like yours." And I knew that was true; I had become an anomaly.

I took a deep but unneeded breath in, as if to sigh at the next problem I could put onto my list, as I got a whiff of something unusual. My body froze, turning it into a marble statue, as the familiar smell brought forth past memories. Vampires.

I had no idea how many of them there were but they were extremely close. They had probably come across my scent and became curious. I cursed my inattentiveness. My eyes frantically darted around the area, searching for a way to escape just so that I didn't have to cross paths with them. I wasn't up for any types of confrontation, especially not with my latest developed anomaly.

The snapping of a branch made my head whip around in its direction and my eyes landed on a face hidden by the shadows of the trees. My breath caught in my throat and my muscles automatically tightened as my natural instincts kicked in. As if on cue, more faces appeared from the darkness and cautiously stepped into the clearing. A growl emanated from my throat before I could stop myself. It served as a warning not to come any closer. There was no place for me to hide and I knew it. They outnumbered me and standing in this clearing without any protection made me feel incredibly vulnerable.

One of the males held out his arm and successfully stopped the others from advancing. He must be the leader of the coven; everyone seemed to crowd around him, waiting for him to make a decision. I quickly counted the vampires standing across from me. Seven; I had never seen a coven of this size before and it was intimidating. Vampires normally didn't stick around in large groups; pairs of two were the most common.

My mind was racing as I tried to think of a possible way to diffuse this situation. If I was still human, my heart would have been beating painfully against my ribcage. On second thought…if I was human then I'd be dead by now.

Another one of the males straightened his posture; I could see him tightening his muscles, making him almost instantly appear taller and more threatening. His stance was rigid, leaning forward ever so slightly; the vibe he was giving off was clear. If it came to a fight he could easily overpower me, he seemed almost eager to test his abilities. He reminded me of a soldier, never showing any weaknesses in the face of battle.

"I don't want to fight!" Is what I wanted to say, but the words never left my lips. Instead, I reverted back to my primal instincts. Dropping my shoulders and slowly crouching down, cautious not to move too quickly for their liking. I lowered my head just a bit while still making sure to keep an eye on them and turned my palms facing up. This was something that had worked with other vampires before and was understood by anyone, signs of submission. I didn't want this encounter to end badly. The blonde haired soldier didn't drop his protective stance, but all of them regarded me with looks of interest now. I suppose that's a good sign?

The leader took a step closer towards me and I suppressed another growl. I had chosen my role, so now I had to play my part even if I felt threatened.

"Hello." I blinked as surprise took over my features. His voice sounded warm and inviting. I had expected a threat, him telling me that I was intruding on their territory, but certainly not an attempt at a civilised conversation.  
"My name is Carlisle and this is my family." He continued and extended his arm towards a mahogany haired woman who came up next to him. She had a small smile on her face; her entire presence screamed placating.  
"This is my wife, Esme," he continued. Wife? I tilted my head in confusion as I watched the two of them. I had heard other vampires address their partners as their mate, but never had they used a title so…human.  
"Emmett and Jasper, Rosalie and Alice and Edward." His eyes followed his introductions. I hadn't missed the fact that he introduced all of them in groups, never leaving one standing on their own. They all formed a unit, acting almost like a family. I had never seen vampires act so much like humans before…was it all an act? I slowly raised my head their eyes met mine: Gold on gold.

Without thinking I instantly shot up, my submissive posture forgotten.  
"Y-you-!" I stuttered, surprise washing over me. How is that possible? I thought I was the only one!

My thoughtless movement was instantly punished, as the others reacted immediately. The soldier took a step forward, falling into a low crouch, his body ready to spring. They had mistaken my sudden movements for an aggressive gesture. I hesitantly took a step back, my trousers becoming soaked as the cold spring water seeped through the thin fabric. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw a short haired girl grab the soldier's arm as if to stop him. Another male, dark haired and so big that he was scary just to look at leaned forward, readying himself. Even the kind, blonde haired vampire looked wary.

The tension in the air was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. This was it; if I had thought running away was futile before, it certainly was impossible now. But I had to try or I could stay here and risk getting ripped into tiny shreds because of a misunderstanding. They all looked capable enough; I wouldn't stand a chance against them. I whirled around, pushing the doubt of being unable to escape to the back of my mind and clenched my teeth tightly together. I was determined to try, no, I had to. My survival depended on it.

"She is surprised because our eye colours are the same." The sudden statement had caught me off guard. Well…he wasn't wrong. I slowly turned my head back towards the direction of the male who had spoken. The read head's eyes seemed to pierce my soul as he looked at me knowingly. How could he tell?

No matter how, I was thankful for his intervention as the others straightened up a little, dropping their defensive stances. Their expressions still remained cautious. The leader now had a look of understanding in his eyes.

"I...have never seen other vampires who looked like me before." I confessed, surprised that I had spoken at all. My voice wavered while I shot concerned glances at the blonde haired soldier. However, he seemed to have finally relaxed. He signalled through his posture that he wouldn't pose a threat to me should I also remain peaceful. It was easy enough to understand, the only thing that confused me were the others.

They didn't show the common gestures vampires used to convey their intentions; things like submission or dominance were non-existent to them. It frustrated me. How was I supposed to interpret their abnormal behaviour, so far away from that of a vampire that it seemed human again? How long had they shared this undead existence with me? They were definitely a lot older by many years, maybe even centuries. I hadn't thought it possible for a creature of the night to adapt to a normal life as much as they had. Maybe they had spent all of their time pretending, that they had forgotten how to act like vampires. If I couldn't see their honey gold eyes, their unbreakable, flawless skin and hear their clearly absent heartbeat, I would have confused them with living beings. Who were these strange creatures that seemed so polite but at the same time behaved so differently from their true nature?

"There aren't many who follow a diet similar to ours," the leader explained. At that moment my suspicions were finally confirmed. I had suspected that my different lifestyle was the cause of my weird eye colour.  
"We would love to further discuss this matter with you. If you feel comfortable enough to share your story, we would be interested in listening to it. We own a residence not far from here." This was the second time today that something had left me feeling completely stunned.

Are they nuts? Wasn't our encounter about to turn into a fight just moment ago? And now they were inviting me to their house for tea! What was wrong with them? I didn't miss the redhead's eyes narrowing as if he had heard me. However strange they were, I had to admit that we had something in common. They too were interested in hearing about other vampires' tales. Furthermore, our different eye colour connected us, and to say that I was intrigued would be an understatement. But no matter how curious I was, I knew that I had to decline their offer.

Even though it seemed impossible to me, they somehow managed to live in close contact with human beings. It was clear by the way they acted or even dressed. My eyes wandered from my bare feet to their sturdy shoes. Furthermore, if I got too close to another human being and attacked them I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. And I was sure that they wouldn't either.

"Our home is situated in the woods so you wouldn't encounter other humans. But we will make sure that we won't experience any run-ins on our way there." I owlishly peered at the red haired male. What was his name again? Edward? He had once again answered my thoughts as if he had plucked them right from my mind. Three times in a row were no coincidence...was he a mind reader? I had been told by other covens that some vampires possessed special abilities but had yet to come across one. They had told me it was a rare occurrence, but this could be one of them. My gaze burnt into his, the question already on the tip of my tongue as he subtly nodded. For a second I thought I had only imagined it. I was right! How surprising that he would give up such a valuable piece of information as simply as that… My eyes narrowed in suspicion. If he really was one, then it also meant that none of my thoughts were safe anymore...I honestly didn't know how to feel about that discovery. The others seemed visibly confused by the mind reader's statement and I felt like there was no other way now than to explain.

"I was turned two years ago and have kept away from humans ever since. I am scared that if I encounter one by accident I won't be able to stop myself." Suddenly their facial expressions changed. The leader and his mate's gaze softened, regarding me with a kindness I wasn't used to. It was almost like they understood my struggles, like they wanted to help me, even though we were just strangers. And I, weirdly enough, believed them.

"What is your name, child?" The leader asked, his voice gentle and I responded without thinking.

"Emily."

"Well, Emily, would you like to come with us?" I had said no to numerous other covens before, never wanting to travel with any of them. What had persuaded me this time? Their friendly voices or their threatening coven members? Probably both. I tried to comfort myself with the fact that it would be different this time; I was following them to have a friendly chat, nothing more. And for some reason the vibes I got from them were as intriguing as they were repellent, simply because they were so different from other vampires. I had now concluded that this wasn't so bad after all.

Stepping out of the water carefully, I took a couple steps closer to them and this time they allowed it. No one fell into a threatening stance or gave me wary looks. Even the soldier, who seemed the scariest of them all, regarded me patiently. And as all of us ran through the deep, forest green woods I knew that I had made the right decision. This time I wasn't the unwanted outsider, I was with people of my kind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Strangers**

* * *

And they kept their promise. The nervousness I had felt in the beginning lessened as I travelled together with this strange coven. We met neither humans nor animals on our way back, so there was no need to worry about potential slip ups. The leader of the group and his mate went first, always making sure to be a step ahead of me, while I was sandwiched between the soldier and the mind reader. It should have probably made me feel protected but I knew that they were just guarding me. They would make sure that I didn't cause their coven any trouble and if anything happened I was sure that they wouldn't hesitate to kill me.

Everyone was avoiding my gaze even though I could feel theirs burning into the back of my head as soon as I turned to look away. It was driving me insane and I would have preferred it, if they were less discreet. I already felt like a caged animal...or a prisoner. Following them and allowing them to be so close to me went against my natural instincts and I could hear my inner voice vehemently protesting against the treatment I was receiving.

These vampires were complete strangers and they were just as dangerous as me; if not more so, since they were much bigger in number. And now I was in an even worse position, amidst the enemy. Believe it or not, vampires didn't particularly like each other's presence. We are both hunters and our primary goal was survival. So being in such a close proximity meant risking the loss of our prey. Only the strong ones survived in a world like this which is why travelling alone was always the better option.

However, I had to admit that they weren't aggressive or territorial. No one had straight out threatened me yet. They were certainly cautious but not hostile. I felt like an individual next to them who deserved to be treated with at least the most basic amounts of respect. What an unfamiliar feeling...it was nice.

Out of nowhere, a black mop of hair appeared in my field of vision and I jumped back in surprise. Amused golden eyes met my widened ones.

"You'd think it was impossible to sneak up on a vampire." The girl commented and laughed, a tinkling sound filling the air. Her voice was cheerful and bright, it reminded me of an ensemble of bells.  
"Or maybe that is only true for some of us." The red head next to me cracked a smile and they shared a quick glance as if enjoying an unspoken inside joke.

I felt a small pang of irritation at their exchange, feeling left out of the conversation. Instead of answering I reverted back to watching them, the way they treated each other and interacted with each other.

Why were they all together in the first place? Did being in a bigger coven offer more protection? Was it easier to hunt larger groups of prey if you could strategically plan your attack and split up?

My eyes shot towards the mind reader next to me but his gaze was directed straight ahead. He wouldn't be the one giving me answers this time, or maybe he was simply trying to respect my privacy? …If that was even possible. Could he turn his power on and off like a light switch?

Now that we had slowed down to a walking pace, the black haired girl turned around to face me and my "guards". I could see her happily exchanging glances with the blond haired vampire next to me from time to time, and whenever his gaze met hers he seemed to momentarily forget my existence. His facial features softened and his posture didn't seem so tense. For a second I felt content, as if all was right with the world. It was strange, like I could feel the love bleeding out of the vampires next to me. It was obvious that they were mates; I made a mental note not to mess with the pixie girl.

Taking a closer look at the soldier explained why my alarm bells had started ringing as soon as he appeared in the clearing. His skin was littered with scars, spaced most thickly together on his neck and jaw. He had been in more fights than I could have imagined, and he'd never lost.

"Not much of a talker, are we?" I flinched and instantly looked towards the person who had spoken. After being left out of their conversation I hadn't expected anyone to speak to me directly again. The guy with dark, curly locks looked apologetic when he saw my reaction. I knew that judging people by their outwards appearance wasn't the way to go, but his size was intimidating beyond anything else. He looked like he could easily crush my head within mere seconds. If he got to me first my death would be a quick one.

I didn't miss the way his shoulders slumped ever so slightly when I silently continued to stare at him. Instant regret flooded my senses as I realised that he was probably used to such responses.

"I…I'm just a little shy around new people." I offered him a weak smile which he returned to my surprise.

"I get that." He had instantly perked up and I was glad that I mustered up the courage to reply. The dimples around his mouth made his face appear more carefree and childlike, something I wouldn't have expected from someone like him. Suddenly this muscular guy, tall as a tree, didn't seem so intimidating anymore.

The woman whose hand was intertwined with his caught my attention next; she hadn't spoken up at all during our exchange. Maybe she too preferred to stand back as the silent observer. With straight, golden hair falling around her pale face and a body that most women would kill for, she was undeniably a rare beauty, even amongst vampires. She held herself with pride, showing that she was probably also aware of her physical features.

At first glance I would have believed her to be stuck up and snotty, someone who only cared about themselves. All of that doubt however instantly melted away as I watched the two. Her undivided attention was directed at the burly guy, Emmett, if I recalled correctly, but she seemed completely content with the simple fact that he had cheered up. His happiness was just as important to her as her own. In that moment it was so obvious how much she cared for him that I no longer dared to question her intentions. Emmett had, upon noticing her glance, pulled her closer to him.

My brows furrowed in confusion. Were all of these people mated? The way I had heard other vampires talk about this sort of deep rooted, intimate connection made me think that finding your "other half" was highly difficult. And now here I was, confronted by relationship after relationship. Honestly, what kind of weird coven had I stumbled upon?

My attention was diverted when an enormous house came into view. I had already seen shimmers of white flashing through the leaves of the trees we had passed but couldn't quite make out what was behind them. Now I could fully take in its impressive appearance - ivory marble on chestnut brown oak wood.

"We are here," chimed the black haired girl and I noticed that the leader and his mate were already waiting for us on top of their porch. They both had welcoming smiles on their faces, willing us to come closer. I took a careful breath in, and to my relief the air was crystal clear.

I could taste the powdery dust of the stone, the different aromas of wood mingled with the soft odour of wild roses. There was the smell of fresh dirt and sun kissed glass. The distant chirping of a few birds as well as the buzzing of honey bees filled the air. I hadn't witnessed anything so peaceful ever since I first opened my eyes in this second life.

A warm breeze picked up and blew a few stray strands of hair around my face. Is this what freedom feels like? The comforting tranquillity that laid heavy on top of my shoulders, enveloping me like a blanket; similar to one that I used to hide under when I was a child. The darkness had given me a sense of security that allowed me to leave all the worries of my everyday life behind me; encased in this little bubble that I called my own world.

But just like the sun broke this spell when it appeared on the horizon in the morning to chase away the night, I had to awake from this dream as well.

The mind reader turned around to face me, gesturing for me to follow him. I hadn't even noticed that I had stopped moving. I blinked as if to rid myself of the cloudy sensation sleep always used to put me under. How absurd. I hadn't dreamt in two years.

"Welcome." The leader greeted me and stepped away from the door to let us in. I nodded at him while I watched his mate's face break into a smile. These two people were giving off such warm and welcoming vibes that I couldn't help but feel safe with them. I immediately shied away from my own thought process; a mind-set like this would instantly give me a disadvantage. Never be too trusting, especially of vampires. I should know; I was one.

My eyes widened and quickly fell down to observe the strange material I had just stepped onto. A mat was put at the entrance of the doorway and as my toes dug into the woolly nylon, I quickly became self-aware of my current appearance. I couldn't even fathom how much this stunning house must have cost and here I was soiling it with my dirty clothing. Two years of a life in solitude surely didn't excuse bad manners!

"You can always leave if you have changed your mind. We won't stop you." The leader had noticed my hesitation and mistaken it for fear. I looked up at him examining his body language, searching for any signs that would betray his lie but the look in his eyes seemed sincere. With surprise I concluded that his kind words were in fact truthful.

I timidly shook my head and could feel the embarrassment rushing through my body when I thought about my next statement. Never would I have expected to one day be in a position were material things like these even mattered anymore. All I had cared about so far was blood and survival.

"That's not it. I...uhm...don't have any shoes. I wouldn't want to dirty your floor tiles." Now it was his turn to look surprised and I half expected him to agree, to take back his offer of letting me enter.

However, before he could even open his mouth to reply, the pixie haired girl skipped over towards us. Her movements were graceful; she seemed to be dancing with every step that she took.

"These are for you! I had a feeling you might need them." She held out a pair of ballet flats with a self-assured grin and I carefully took them from her hands. This coven continued to astonish me more and more with each second that I spent in their presence.

I was sure that these flats were- just like the house I was in - nothing short of expensive. They looked eerily similar to designer shoes I had once seen put on display when I passed a fashion store while out on the town. They had been all the rage two years ago, but so expensive that many young teenage girls opted to buy the cheaper versions, just to be able to join in on conversations about this new uprising trend with their peers. There was no way I could take them!

"You better not think about returning them. I won't take them back." My gaze darted in her direction. Was she a mind reader as well? Her statement sounded final and left no room for an argument.

"T-thank you." I finally managed and she winked at me before disappearing through an open doorway.

"Please join us once you are ready." With these words the leader left me alone as well. I couldn't even feel relieved by their absence because I knew that they could still hear each and every one of my movements. So, I quickly slipped on my new shoes instead.

The feeling of the smooth leather against my normally bare feet was strange to say the least, and would need some getting used to, but I was glad that I now felt appropriate enough to enter their home. The shoes were quiet for they had no heels, which allowed me to move silently and keep a low profile. I found that I actually quite liked them.

The first few steps that I took were apprehensive. There was no way back now, I had made my decision.

The ground floor was actually quite spacious and bright, it didn't make me feel trapped or boxed in. The large windows, as well as the wide entranceways were aiding the natural light flow.

With my back to the door, the hallway opened up into three different rooms; all of them had no doors to separate them from each other. Since everyone had disappeared through the doorway which lay straight ahead, I decided that the best course of action would simply be to follow them and no longer linger around.

The floor was carpeted, and almost made me wish I wasn't wearing any shoes again, just to be able to feel the soft, grey plush beneath my feet. I quickly sneaked a few glances into the different rooms I passed; the area on my left revealed itself to be a kitchen, while the one on the right opened up into a living room. The hallway was decorated with numerous golden frames, lush green houseplants and other intricate belongings that adorned the walls. I was sure I could never tire of looking at them if I had some time to spare.

As soon as I crossed the invisible threshold that kept me and the strange coven apart, the atmosphere noticeably changed. It might have been for the fact that they were currently all staring at me; some faces were curious, some indiscernible.

They were sitting around an oval shaped glass table that was placed in the middle of the room; beige, leather Lawson-style sofas placed on either side. There was a single, non-occupied arm chair left obviously meant for my taking, but I refused to do so. Having caught a glance of myself in the reflection of the bay windows across from me solidified my decision. I had never cared about hunting neatly, so the dried stains and splatters of animal blood on my ripped clothing shouldn't have come as a surprise.

"Those shoes look good on you! I knew I made the right choice." The pixie haired girl, Alice, broke the tense silence and nodded, obviously pleased with herself.

Afraid that the conversation would die again and leave me in this uncomfortable stillness, I opened my mouth to speak.

"What exactly did you want to talk about?"

"We were curious about the way you came to adopt this lifestyle. It is very uncommon for other vampires to follow it without any influence from others." I nodded, the leader's words made sense. Had I stumbled across a vampire like myself, I would certainly also be interested in their story.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest and closed my eyes as if doing so made recalling my memories easier.

Never before had I told anyone my life story…at least not without excluding all of the human parts of it. Thinking about it didn't make me feel nostalgic, but rather uneasy. The pictures that flashed through my mind were blurry and unclear. My human eyes - compared to my current eye sight - had been underdeveloped and could never get a full and accurate grasp of what had been going on around me.

Having finally settled on my oldest memory I could feel it pulling me in; urging me to remember. My surroundings blurred as they were replaced by my past. After a moment of silence I started speaking.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Stories**

* * *

"I was born in the year 1942 in Wisconsin. Thankfully, I missed the horrors of the Second World War but had to deal with its aftermath. My mother realised that she had fallen pregnant with me after my father was summoned to fight at the frontier. She was able to support herself using their savings during the months leading up to my birth. My mother wrote consistent letters to my father telling him about the latest happenings even if he couldn't respond. She had hoped that he would be able to come home sooner if he heard about my birth, but to her disappointment my father had to stay and fight for his country.

When the savings started to run low my mother found a job to support our little family. She was lucky enough to be friends with the owner of the factory, otherwise it would have been impossible to find proper employment during that time. My mother knew that she couldn't leave me back at the house to fend for myself; I was barely a year old. Her sister knew about her predicament and agreed to watch over me while my mother tried to earn all the money that she could with the measly job she was given.

So, for the first few years of my life I grew up with my aunt knowing neither my mother nor my father.

My aunt was a little luckier than us and owned a ranch in North Nevada. Since it wasn't within walking distance it was very hard for my mother to visit. But I enjoyed spending time with my aunt. One of my first memories was actually feeding the chickens in our backyard together." I could feel the corners of my mouth twitching upwards into a smile. This was something I could look back at fondly.

I didn't have any other children my age to play with when I was younger, so I had tried to befriend the farm animals. They apparently hadn't been as enthusiastic about my idea and ran away when some clumsy toddler tried to approach them. My innovative ideas that included feeding grass to chickens also hadn't been appreciate, neither by them nor my aunt.

"After the war officially ended in 1945 my mother thought about bringing me back home but decided against it after finding out what had happened to my uncle. He too had fought in the war but - unlike my father - hadn't survived. He was killed during one of the last air raids while on duty in Great Britain.

My aunt was devastated when she received the letter that declared his passing, so instead, my mother moved in with us. We continued to make a living by selling animal products on the ranch which was easier now, because my aunt had my mother to lend her a helping hand. We were fortunate enough to be self-sufficient during these years.

Me, being the naïve, young child that I was, didn't yet fully understand the severity of the war or my family's situation and just enjoyed getting to spend more time with my mother.

When I turned six, I was allowed to attend school like all the other children my age. My mother and aunt worked hard to be able to make this life that I had possible and I am still to this day incredibly grateful for that.

I attended a suburban catholic school that was within walking distance from the ranch for 4 years. I enjoyed having access to more knowledge than ever before in my life and the business that my mother and aunt managed flourished as well. On Sundays we would visit the church downtown and pray for the safe return of my father. Compared to other people's situations, things didn't look all that bad. We were happy..." I trailed off, letting the memory linger for a while longer. I knew what was about to come next and subconsciously clenched my hands into fists as if to tightly hold onto something...or someone.

"As the colder months approached my aunt came down with the flu. We tried every natural remedy we could think of but it only got worse as time went on. My aunt soon couldn't leave the house anymore and her physical health declined, bounding her to her bed.

My mother called a local doctor multiple times and he finally decided that the best course of action would be to transfer her to a hospital in the next city." My voice quivered and my mouth felt strangely dry, as if speaking suddenly had become more difficult. I had almost forgotten the presence of the other vampires in the room since they were dead silent. The darkness in front of my closed eyes brought back unpleasant memories and made my head spin.

Suddenly I was back again in the long hallway of my family home. I could hear the violent coughs and pained groans coming from my aunt's room. The door normally stood wide open, allowing anyone to enter at any time.

My aunt had been a big-hearted person, constantly trying to look after everyone. It had been comforting to know that you could always come to her with any problem you might have had.

Now, the hallway was plunged into darkness, the heavy wooden door not only denied anyone entry but also stopped the light from exiting. It was trapped inside the stuffy room, just like my aunt. My mother had cried when the paramedics carried her away and I feared that she had already passed away. She had looked so weak, with no strength to even lift up her head. And even after she had vacated her room, the door stayed closed.

"She passed away a few weeks later. The doctors declared that the cause of death had been pneumonia. I only got to visit her one time." My voice broke off and I grew quiet, needing a moment to collect my thoughts. It was the first time that I had thought back to my past in such great detail. If I had known how much it would affect me, I wouldn't have started in the first place.

I opened my eyes again and with relief found myself in the same room I had been in before. My eyes were glued to the floor now, vehemently avoiding any eye contact with the vampires listening to me. I almost thought I had heard a soft gasp but wasn't sure where it had come from.

Before anyone had the chance to interrupt me, I continued, this time putting on a lighter tone. They didn't have to see how emotionally scarring this event had been for me.

"When I turned 9, life seemed to finally turn around for us. On my birthday I received the best present I could have ever hoped for; my father was reunited with us at last. He had avoided having to serve during the Cold War as well and was allowed to return home. Especially my mother had needed the emotional support during that time. I was just overwhelmed with joy since I finally got to see my father for the first time in my life.

Because of all the terrible memories connected to our current home, my parents were looking to move houses in the near future. Our chance arose a couple months later when my father received a job offer as a teacher.

We all packed our things and took the train to San José, ready to start a new life that wasn't influenced by memories of the war and death. My father was glad that he got another chance to pursue his original career choice. I, on the other hand, looked forward to knowing at least one person at the new school I would go to.

My father's occupation payed quite well which allowed my mother to stay at home. She didn't mind, the last few years had taken a huge toll on her." My mother had started enjoying spending her free time outside. She had mentioned that she felt cooped up inside the house all alone so I started accompanying her on morning walks before school.

My favourite part of the day consisted of coming home, eating lunch together and then watching her paint. I found out that she possessed quite a talent for the arts and began finding joy in replicating her masterpieces. When my mother found out that we both shared this interest she taught me everything she knew.

"We lived a peaceful life from then on, just our small family. It expanded when my little sister was born just a few weeks after I turned 15." I swallowed, not liking the tingling sensation in the back of my throat.

I hadn't seen my baby sister in over two years now and missed her dearly. Ever since she came into this world I had been assigned with a duty of care which I had already failed miserably at. But wasn't this ultimately better than murdering her?

"The year I turned 16 was when our lives took a turn for the worse.

Newspapers reported numerous cases of missing people in the area and blamed them on an escaped murderer. I was more worried about my parents than the other way around, since this culprit only seemed to be after adults.

When I returned from school one day I knew that something was wrong. My mother hadn't come to the door to greet me like she normally would have and the house was silent. There was neither the smell of food in the air nor the sound of the afternoon comedy programs we used to listen to on the radio.

…They had taken my mother.

My father was devastated when he heard about it and immediately joined the local search teams in our area. The newspaper articles were now talking about abduction." I could clearly remember the look of absolute exhaustion and despair on his face when he came home late again one night. He had been out, trying to locate the missing people, but to no avail; they weren't getting anywhere with their search.

"I had thankfully finished my required obligatory school years and could now look after my little sister who was just over a year old. I wanted to support my father in any way that I could but he didn't want to hold me back either.

Since I had always expressed an interest in art he wanted me to pursue my dream as well. He once told me that he got to live his, so it would only be fair to get a chance to try it myself.

This was what my days looked like from then on: I took care of my sister in the morning until a caretaker came to our house and relieved me off my duties. With the afternoon ahead of me, I went to the town centre every day in search of a job. Even though my father wanted me to pursue a creative career, I knew that my chances of succeeding in one were close to zero. So, I would take up any job offer that came my way.

I missed my mother greatly and not one day passed that I didn't think about her. Even if she couldn't be with me for the first few years of my life, she did all she could to make sure I could live comfortably. I knew that she was a good person." I once more had to open my eyes just to make sure I hadn't moved back in time again.

The unmistakable feeling of the hard plank floor beneath my knees that I used to kneel on, had intruded my senses. I would sit next to my bed every night praying for my mother's safety and that she would find her way back to us one day.

No one could blame me for slowly losing hope in god after weeks passed without any signs of her survival.

"I had started going on walks again, which was something I had only done in the company of my mother before.

Now, I understood what she had meant when she said that she felt trapped inside the house. Being close to nature helped me feel connected to my mother once more.

I didn't tell my father about my little excursions because I didn't want to worry him needlessly." I took another deep breath in, hoping it would get rid of the weird sensation in my chest. It felt heavy, as if there was an invisible force pushing against it and I found myself momentarily hesitating.  
"During one of my walks I did something…thoughtless. Nothing had happened during the past weeks, there had been no more reports of any abductions and I felt safe.

I decided to wander off the path for a bit since I wanted to pick a few flowers for my sister. She loved flowers so I wanted to see if some had already bloomed.

I didn't pay much attention to where I was going and got lost. Everything after that happened so quickly." I shook my head, trying to get rid of the dark fog that suddenly clouded my mind.

A short look into the direction of the coven revealed mixed emotions on their faces. There was sympathy, especially in the eyes of the leader's mate. Others had subconsciously leaned forward ever so slightly knowing that the most important part was yet to come: My death.

"I felt something hard hitting the back of my head and everything went black." There hadn't even been enough time to feel pain. No...the pain came afterwards.  
"I woke up again when I felt something sharp grazing my skin; I thought someone was trying to cut me open." I shuddered at the memory and my hand shot up to touch the side of my neck.

There was the scar that officially marked me as the living dead. Even though my skin was smooth this particular patch of tissue was jagged and rough. I knew it was impossible but I swore that it sometimes still ached like the ghostly echo of the pain that I had once experienced.

"You don't have to continue. We have heard quite enough." The friendly woman's voice cut through the silence as she regarded me sympathetically. She almost looked like she wanted to stand up and comfort me but I shook my head to stop her.

"I have nearly reached the end of the story, please." I wanted to finish what I had started. They had all gathered here because they wanted to know about how I became one of their kind. It wouldn't make sense to stop before I told them about this particular part. Even though she looked hesitant the woman let me continue.

"The last thing I remember before opening my eyes again was darkness and pain." I noticed that Alice almost immediately looked away as if she could no longer bear to make eye contact with me. The blonde haired soldier by her side took her hand in his.  
"At first it wasn't overwhelming but it grew as more and more time passed. I didn't know where I was or what had happened to me. I tried to keep as quiet as possible because I was afraid that whoever kidnapped me was still around. At some point I couldn't hold back the screaming anymore.

No one came.

When I opened my eyes once more I was covered in snow. At first I was so shocked, I didn't even realise that the snow wasn't cold. It was almost like I had lost all feelings in my hands. When I finally managed to get up I found that I was lying on the forest floor, but the area was completely unfamiliar to me. I figured that I must have changed location since it hadn't snowed when I left the house that afternoon. There was also this incessant scratching at the back of my throat that kept bothering me to no end." At the mention of the sensation I felt just how dry my own throat had become.  
"I tried ignoring it and instead focused on getting back home but before I could even take a single step I…smelled…a herd of deer close to me." I remembered how utterly confused I had been at that moment. It was as if all of my senses had suddenly been heightened. My sense of smell had never been so sharp.

"Without thinking I just…ran up to them and… " I couldn't bring myself to continue. Doing it was one thing, but confessing out loud that I drank the blood of animals, while I lunged at them with inhuman speed and probably broke many of their bones in the process was…disturbing.  
"I was terrified of what I had become and hid in the same woods I woke up in for a long time, always making sure to walk deeper and deeper into the forest. I was ashamed and scared; I didn't want anyone to find me. It took a long time before I dared to step a foot out of these woods and find a different place for me to hide. I learnt what I was after coming across others of our kind." I fidgeted as another memory appeared in my head.

It had been a mistake; I should have never left the woods in the first place. But how could I have known? I didn't know that I would react like this! There it was again. _Black hair. He was so young!_

I flinched. This must have been enough information for them. I couldn't tell them more; I didn't want to tell them.

Had the room always felt this stuffy and hot before? My eyes shot in the direction of the other vampires who were now looking at me again. My hands moved up to nervously pull at my hair.

"I'm sorry." Were the first things that tumbled out of my mouth, as my hands clenched into fists.  
"I shouldn't have…maybe this was too much." My eyes darted around the room looking for a potential exist. This was getting too much for me.

Now both the leader and his mate stood up, having noticed my strange behaviour. The feeling of being trapped returned as I watched them walk closer.

"Please don't worry, Emily. You didn't have to tell us. We had no idea that this was so difficult for you." The woman reached out her hand towards me but I stepped away before she could touch me.

"No, I need to-" My voice broke off as the burning sensation in my throat returned. I tried my hardest to stay composed and not claw at it in a desperate attempt to get rid of the feeling. _Blood._  
"No." I moaned desperately and stumbled back another step. I caught the alarmed eyes of the mind reader. A sense of sheer panic struck me to the core. Did he know!? My feet felt like they were stuck to the floor,  
"I can't move! I can't move!" my thoughts were racing; I couldn't get them under control.

"Emily." Now the soldier had begun approaching me. His steps were careful, his arms extended in a pacifying gesture.

However, I didn't feel comforted. I was only half present now. Images flashed wildly before my eyes and made me feel utterly disoriented. _I'm sorry._ My throat flared up in flames, making me almost gag. _I didn't want to become a monster._ The soldier was now closing in on me and all of a sudden I was hit by a wave of calmness. My fingers twitched, my legs paused in their movement. The images stopped.

Now that I had this part of myself under control, the pain in my throat hit me full force. The feeling was similar to sandpaper, rubbing against sore flesh and this time I couldn't control the retching.

"I need to…get out! Now!" I finally managed to choke out, my head wouldn't stop spinning. I ran for the door, only subsequently noticing that the others had moved away to let me through. _Air, air! Anything but this!_

I almost ripped the door off its hinges as I burst through it. I could hear it hitting the stone wall behind me as glass shattered and rained to the ground.

My legs gave way, making contact with the grass beneath me. It was difficult to make out my surroundings since they wouldn't stop shaking. If I didn't know any better I would have thought that I was in the middle of an earthquake.

 _I didn't want to, you have to believe me!_ My trembling hands clutched my face. I didn't need to breathe to survive but felt like I was choking at the same time. _Soft fabric and black hair, a heart, thumping, eyes wide open with fear._ Violent tremors ran through my body and a sob broke through my clenched teeth.

"Emily." I pressed my eyes together tightly. The shaking had lessened but I could still feel his clothes in my hands. Why wouldn't the feeling go away?! _A lifeless body._  
"Look at your hands, Emily." _I can't, I can't! I don't want to see what I have done!_  
"Open your eyes," the voice was calm but persistent. It sounded vaguely familiar.

My eyes slowly focused on my hands which were frantically clutching a piece of fabric. Before I could descend into another fit of panic, I realised what I was holding. It was my own shirt. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I finally felt like I wasn't suffocating anymore.

I blinked as a face came into view and broke through the haze in my mind. The person was kneeling in front of me.

"E-Edward?" The mind reader nodded. Only now did I notice that there was movement around me. There was a heavy weight on my arm that I hadn't noticed before and as my head moved towards it I met the eyes of the soldier.

However, instead of frightened I felt calm. As if on cue, another wave of complete inner peace swept over me, much stronger than before, and it carried all of my fears away with it. The shaking had stopped at last.

"Emily." Edward spoke up again but I silenced him by raising my hand.

"Don't." I was almost certain that he had read my mind and to my dismay realised that he was now aware of my secret. I had to get out of there.

"Are you alright?" The soft voice belonged to the leader's mate. She was sitting to my right, her eyes searching mine. But I couldn't bear to look into her understanding eyes. She didn't know; if she did she wouldn't want to sit so close to me anymore.

"I'm sorry." My voice was barely above a whisper. I didn't even know if it was directed at all of them or just Edward specifically.  
"I apologize that you all had to witness this. I didn't think that I would get this overwhelmed." That wasn't even a lie. But I knew what to do now; I couldn't let this go on any longer.

"No." Alice's quiet voice surprised me. I hadn't expected her to speak up nor did I understand what she was referring to. She looked like she was speaking more to herself than any of us. But I stubbornly continued, I had made my decision.

"I need to leave. This was not the conversation any of us expected and again, I am very sorry. I won't be causing you anymore trouble. Thank you for your hospitality." I stood up, noticing that the soldier's arm fell to his side as I did so.

"Where would you go?"

Those words made me look over towards the leader's mate. This was a question I hadn't expected but one that I didn't think needed an explanation either. It wasn't like I had a place to stay at before.

"I don't know…probably back to the woods." Somewhere where no one could find me. I watched her face contort with worry.

"You could stay with us?" She offered, and for a moment I almost believed her. What a cruel joke to pull on someone. I shook my head.

"No, but thank you for the offer." I was certain that they hadn't meant it anyways; that was the pity speaking. They would regret it as soon as the sun rose again in the morning. Now that the panic was gone I was overcome by shame. No one was supposed to ever see me like that.

"Goodbye." I nodded in their direction and noticed the hesitant looks on all of their faces. I didn't want their sympathy, I didn't deserve it. Without another glance back I turned around and vanished within the shadows of the forest.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Decisions**

* * *

I huddled closer to the tree trunk I was leaning against and hugged my knees to my chest. If I let my head sink against my legs I could block out the garish light of dawn. Another day was starting.

I didn't know how much time had passed since I left the coven's home, but it wasn't like that mattered right now. All I needed was to be alone. Even though admittedly, being left to my own devices didn't make for the most favourable position I could have found myself in. It gave me a lot of time to deal with my own thoughts…a little too much time. Or maybe it would have been more bearable if I wasn't still beating myself up about what had happened. But how couldn't I?

A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I pushed the memories further away from me. I couldn't face them now; I wasn't sure if that would ever be possible. Supressing them wasn't the healthiest way to deal with them, but it was one way. One that didn't cause immediate pain, one that let me survive for now. And that had to be good enough…right?

As soon as I had fled the house I ran. I couldn't care less about where I was going, I just had to shake off this feeling of captivity that kept pulling at me. No more prying eyes, no more stares, no more questions! If they were following me, I just had to make sure that they wouldn't find me.

My throat felt like it had been set on fire and I hungrily attacked the first wild animal I came across. The sweet relief of the pain lessening, as I hastily gulped down the sweet, thick blood, took over my senses. I could feel it trickling down my throat and dripping onto my clothes. I felt my fingers digging into the soft flesh of the animal as I gripped it tighter. I stopped immediately when I heard its spine snapping in half and pushed it away from me, repulsed by my own greediness.

It landed on the dirt with a thud, limp and sucked completely dry. Its back was now bent and twisted, no longer being able to maintain its original shape. The animal had already been dead, so it hadn't felt its own bones breaking. I was glad that it didn't needlessly suffer because of me.

My own strength was disturbing; I had no idea how much damage I could actually do by not paying attention to my actions. I had never been so aggressive before while hunting and blamed it on my current cluttered state of mind. Now that the awful burning in my throat had subsided I could continue hunting with more control over my actions.

After my thirst was quenched I felt considerably better; maybe even a little sick. I had overdone it and drunken until I felt like I could burst. This wasn't even the first time I had done something like that. My fear of further accidents kept me continuing my overeating.

Once I was certain that no one was following me, I just plopped down onto the forest floor and closed my eyes. Since I didn't need to breathe, the only sounds that reached my ears were a light breeze that ruffled the leaves of the trees around me, the crawling of insects hidden in the grass beneath me, and the occasional footsteps of wild animals. Now that I wasn't moving and made no other noises, I was practically invisible to them. Not that I cared right now, I wasn't hunting this time.

But I needed this more than anything else right now; some time to calm down, recharge and relax at my own pace. I didn't know how long I had already remained in that position; I simply continued to watch the sun rise in the east and set in the west as darkness took over the sky. After the 10th time I had lost count.

My eyes opened again when I felt something wet falling onto my face and trailing down my cheek. I blinked, noticing that the sky was now noticeably darker than before even though the sun had risen just a while ago. I wiped away the rain drop and brought myself up into a standing position. If I was still human my muscles would have been screaming in protest by now, completely stiff from staying in the same position for such a long time.

I grimaced as I felt the crusted remains of dried blood underneath my fingernails from my last meal. Time for another bath; I felt absolutely disgusting. Closing my eyes and focusing on the sounds around me helped to locate the sought-after water source. As my sense of smell also came into play, the search became laughably easy. Water always smelled clean and pure. I could taste the minerals on the tip of my tongue, as well as the slimy scales of the small fish that lived in it. Damp dirt and polished stones had a distinct smell as well.

Taking large steps now I let my nose guide me, enjoying the little game I had come up with. As the wind started whipping around my face I knew that I had broken into a run. Joyful laughter escaped my lips; I loved the rush, the speed. Running wasn't even half bad if I wasn't constantly running away from something.

My eyes snapped open as the smell intensified and to my delight I saw that I had found it; without any run-ins with trees this time. A ginormous lake filled with water lilies opened up before me. It faintly reminded me of one I used to go swimming in with my mother when she was still alive. I shook my head and picked up my pace, ready to drown out all of these memories and just sink under the water's surface. It was soothing and dark down there, water made me feel weightless and invisible. Nothing else mattered once I was hidden from plain sight.

Becoming a vampire had definitely made me more reckless. There were no boundaries, no stop signs when nothing could hurt you.

Only a few more meters! The water splashed gently against the shore, the small waves it created rippled the surface. It looked deep enough for me to completely submerge myself in if I jumped high enough to land in the middle. Hah! As if that was a challenge!

I bent my legs ever so slightly, my upper body leaning forward as my feet dug into the soil, ready to release all its pent up energy into one powerful leap…when I stopped.

My own decision came so abruptly and unplanned that it made me stumble and crash full force into the ground. Trying to slow down I buried my knees into the soil, dirt flying everywhere. I stretched out my arms, ready to catch myself, as they broke through the water's surface and drenched my sleeves up to my shoulders. I quickly pulled them out and fell back onto the grass.

Why the hell had I just hesitated? The question was useless, I already knew the answer. My gaze fell to my shoes, which were thankfully not completely clad in soil and still relatively clean. They were a present, how could I even think about being so reckless?

I groaned when the thought evoked memories of Alice. Her face appeared before my eyes, the friendly smile she showed me when she handed me the shoes was still burned into my mind. I had never met vampires who showed me such kindness so willingly before and saying that I didn't regret my rash decision to leave them would be a blatant lie. But I had been scared; too overwhelmed to think straight and now they probably believed me to be insane. I couldn't ever show my face around them again.

Had I just been a little more careful, more in control of my emotions, then this would have all turned out differently. Maybe I could have still been at their house right now or at least made some...friends. Knowing that there was coven around that didn't despise me would have been of enormous comfort. But as always I blew it. Stupid, stupid. I really was a fool. Wasn't I the one craving companionship? And now I hid in the forest like a frightened animal. I didn't want to think about what kind of image they must have of me right now. And all just because of my stupid overreaction.

I punched the water's surface, violently ripping apart the image of my own reflection. Why am I like this!? Curse the vampire who condemned me to this awful life! If it weren't for them I would have never...never. I hoped that the one who changed me was dead and therefore hadn't been able to be by my side when I woke up. Otherwise I couldn't forgive them for binding me to this never ending life and leaving me to fend for myself. Why had I been left alone in the first place!? Maybe all of this wouldn't have been so hard to accept; to get used to, if I didn't have to face it on my own. If someone had explained to me…then I would have never…

I angrily racked my hands through my hair, trying to sooth myself. Letting fury overtake me wasn't the solution either. I looked back at the indents my body had made as it came in contact with the ground. It looked as if a tractor had ploughed its way through the dry earth. With a sigh I began covering up the evidence I had left behind. When I was satisfied with the result I scooted a little closer to the edge of the shore and dipped my grimed hands into the cool liquid. I watched with fascination as the water washed all of the soil away; secretly wishing it could make my imperfections disappear that easily too. I did the same to my feet and wetted the insides of my shoes to clean them as well, before lying back down on the grass and letting myself dry off.

The snapping of a nearby branch startled me. I couldn't believe that an animal actually managed sneak up on me. Had I really been so engrossed in my thoughts? I really had to remain more vigilant; who knew what else could have happened if I wasn't careful?

I took in a short breath, trying to figure out what forest animal had crossed my path, when the smell hit me like a wrecking ball.

Humans. In less than a second I was on my feet, my muscles coiled to spring. If there had been any shreds of humanity left inside of me before, they were now gone. How could I have ever thought that there was something that connected me to them? That we could be seen as equals? It couldn't have been more far from the truth. I was a predator and they were my prey; it was as simple as that.

Their enticing scent swirled around me as fresh poison filled my mouth. I had hunted just a while ago and at that time felt sick of all the blood I had scarfed down. That feeling vanished in an instant and my stomach twisted with newfound hunger. My mouth was desiccated; my throat burned as the deep desire to wash it away with their blood filled me. This was their own fault; they should have been more careful. They should have known that walking in the forest alone put them at risk. These forests were dangerous. An animal could attack them and their lives would end just like that. Human beings were truly weak creatures. It took so little to end their life. Just one wrong step, accidently breaking an important bone and they would never see the light of day again. And in a sense, I was right; they would die from an animal's attack. That was what I had become. I was nothing more than a wild animal and they would pay for getting too close.

The smell of their sweet, wet blood pumping through their veins clouded my senses, my judgement, and my morals.

Without knowing how I had gotten there, I ended up in a treetop, right underneath my victims. Now I could better hear their delicious, fluttering heartbeats. Three men, not older than 40, and today was their death day. I knew that they were no match for me; even their combined strengths couldn't fight me off. I felt a pang of disappointment at my thoughts; I wouldn't have minded a little fight to make this more interesting.

Clutching onto a bough I leaned forward ever so slightly to get a better look at them. None of them had noticed me yet because I was hidden high up between branches and leaves. Funnily enough, one of them had turned around once. They knew that something dangerous was close.

And evil smirk played on my lips as I imagined their frightened reactions when they realised they would die. I would make it quick; at least I could promise them that. My thirst was agonizing; I didn't think that I could wait any longer.

What would be the best way to approach this situation? I mapped out a plan inside my head. Two of the men were walking close next to each other, talking. I couldn't care less what it was about. All words melted together into some incomprehensible gibberish, turning into a buzzing background noise that was easily drowned out. The thumping of their hearts was the only thing that I could pay attention to.

The last man was a little further up ahead, splitting their little group into two. I cursed under my breath; did they have to make it more difficult on themselves? If they had all been together I could have finished them off in mere seconds, but of course they had to foil my plans.

I could attack both of the men first, snapping their necks quickly and then going after the guy further away from them. If I was lucky he wouldn't even notice before it was already too late. The distance however also made it easier to escape, especially since we weren't in an enclosed space.

Another problem that presented itself was my blood lust. What if I couldn't control myself and just sank my teeth into the first person's neck that I reached? That gave both of the other men a few more seconds to live, enough time to scream. Which, if other humans were close, would attract attention, and then even more people had to die. I shivered as an image of the vegetation covered in their blood appeared in my mind. I wasn't sure if it was from horror or pleasure. No, I couldn't let so much blood go to waste; I would savour every single drop.

Another way then; attack the guy up ahead first and cut off their path in the process. They were most likely walking back home, and I knew that the trail in the other direction would just lead further into the forest. But if I left the guy to attack the other two then his blood would run cold. Well, one was better than two.

It was decided then.

I ducked down a little lower, my muscles were tense, and a growl broke through my lips. Nothing could stop me now; I was fully immersed in the hunt. The noise startled a flock of nearby birds who tried to escape in a panicked frenzy.

The men below me had also heard it and looked up at the squawking birds, barely missing me. Now they were afraid; the growl had sounded animalistic. They finally realised in what kind of danger they were.

My eyes widened in anticipation as I licked my lips. Only a bit longer and then the fire would be put out. I could almost taste their irony blood, feel it run down my throat. It would be all worth it.

The men's eyes were still wide with fear; barely a second had passed since I had announced my presence. "Don't worry." I thought as I loosened my hold on the bough. "It will be over soon."

Before I could even move a muscle I heard someone approaching. Their steps were much slower, it almost sounded like they were limping. Their breathing was erratic which only made my throat go up in flames once more and I grunted in pain.

It took all I had to keep myself from murdering them right now. I just wanted to finally make the pain go away. Was that so much to ask for? How longer did I need to suffer? So what if another person found the group? My meal had simply just become larger; I could call that my lucky day.

The men had also noticed the new presence and turned to look in their direction, they were momentarily distracted. I growled in annoyance, this time quieter than before, the vegetation down below blocked my sight. But I would wait until the newcomer was close enough to the group of men. Then I could kill all of them at the same time. My cruel grin grew as I watched them inch closer together, now the distance between them was nearly non-existent. Even better.

Finally, the wait payed off as the fourth person stepped out from underneath the leaves that were hiding them.

I felt like I had run head first into a brick wall.

My movements stilled, my muscles still frozen in motion, my arm holding onto the sturdy bough above my head.

The man who had now reached the group was…my father.

I had nearly killed my own father!

Images flickered past my eyes; his pale corpse lying on the cold forest floor. At once I felt sick and if I could throw up then I would have done so by now. It took all of my willpower to stay right where I was, but their blood was calling me. I had smelled it, I wanted it.

No!

I gripped the bough tighter as it groaned under the pressure. Distract yourself! Somehow! I felt like I was being pulled apart. No, no, stay where you are! Don't give in to it!

What did morals even matter anymore?! In this world people did anything do survive, why should I be considerate?!

My fingers broke through the thick tree bark and I gasped in horror as my immense strength tore off the bough. It broke in half, slipping from my fingers and plunging downwards. Opening my mouth had also been a mistake as the sent once again filled my head. The pain in my throat flared up anew, but I still didn't move an inch; if I did I knew that their lives would be over. It hurt so much that I could no longer hold back the scream.

The noise was nearly overshadowed by the large bough crashing to the floor. The men's shouting voices filled the air as the ground shook from the impact; my breath got caught in my throat. The fear drowned out the thirst for a second and I clasped my hands over my nose and mouth to block the airways.

I whirled around, landed on another bough and hid behind the huge tree trunk. Did they see me?! More importantly, were they alive?!

I strained my ears, hoping to pick up the faintest of sounds that indicated that they weren't dead. Even their breathing would have been enough, to my relief I heard just that. And it wasn't just one; all four of them were alive! There was a second of silence before they spoke again.

"What in tarnation was that!?" One of the men gasped out, a southern accent laced his voice. Not my father.

"Did you hear that scream?" The voice quivered slightly. This one was much younger but not the person I was searching for either.

"Let's get out of here! Quick! I told you numerous times not to go too deep into the woods. They aren't safe! Haven't all those missing people proved that?!" I felt a huge weight lift off of my chest.

Those two years of pain and fear vanquished in an instant as my father's voice enveloped me. His words didn't matter; it was insignificant that he was afraid of me, that I was the reason for their escape. The hole that had been punched through my chest was suddenly healed. The void inside of me disappeared and at once I was home again. It all made sense now; for example why the lake had looked so familiar. I had been there once before!

The thirst returned but I could still think straight. I knew why I didn't attack. Because he was my father! That was the rational answer, the right answer. I felt relief flooding my system as my thoughts cleared up slightly. It was easier now as well because they were getting further and further away from me. I couldn't have been happier that they escaped the monster.

The pain hadn't vanished though and I knew that I couldn't stand it any longer. I felt like I might die if I didn't feed quickly. My muscles finally moved again and being in control of my willpower once more, I managed to actually run away. Back the way I came, continuously putting more and more distance between me and the humans.

The first elks I spotted immediately fell prey to me and after a while the pain died down to a bearable scratching in the back of my throat.

Another thought struck me as I looked back into the direction I had come from. I had managed to resist the temptation! That was something I had never thought possible before. The blood hadn't won this time!

A smile broke out across my face at the realisation. No one had died today! History didn't repeat itself. A shudder ran down my spine at the thought and I pushed those memories back, focusing solely on the present. After what just happened I was sure that one careless thought would spiral me into a breakdown.

However, my smile died again when I remembered how much I had frightened those humans, how I had driven my father away. They hadn't even spotted my hiding place and yet I nearly killed them while trying not to murder them.

A humourless laugh left my lips at the irony of the situation.

I had always known that I was a danger to humans but I never thought that I had to protect even my own father from myself. The bloodlust disgusted me, I hated the way it made me forget what was right and wrong. Just one breath nearly cost four innocent people their lives.

My thoughts drifted back to the coven I had met a few days ago. How did they stand it? How could they be so close to other human beings? Didn't every second in their presence cause them such excruciating pain that they would rather be dead than endure it? I had always thought them to be strange, not understanding their decision, but after today I felt like I was granted a small insight into their thoughts.

The pain was worth it, if it meant being able to reunite with the people you had thought to be forever lost. If I could see my father again then I wanted to be able to control my blood lust. Seeing him today gave me back this familiar feeling of love. Something I hadn't felt in two years. And now that he was gone my silent heart mourned his absence.

How I wished I could turn back the clock and make myself human again. I would stroll through the door and my father would break into tears. He would hug me tightly and I would feel safe and secure in his embrace.

There was also the question of what had happened to him. Why was he limping? What had occurred in my absence? Having these unanswered questions was tormenting me. I had to find out.

Furthermore, I would have the chance to see my sister again and we could finally make those flower necklaces together. I had promised her after all. I would find a job as an artist and I could continue where I had left off. Who cares that people think you couldn't earn much money by painting? If it made you happy then that was all that mattered! Life was too short to care about such things anyways; I finally understood that now after having mine cut short.

Why was I denied such a life? I hadn't chosen to become one of the living dead and if I could choose again then I would pick my family.

Maybe…the coven could let me in on their secret. Perhaps they could tell me how they manage to stay in control once they get close to humans. And if they did, I could return!

Excitement filled me to the brim at the idea. If they helped me maybe this wasn't so impossible after all. I wouldn't have to live my life alone anymore!

And once I returned home I could watch my sister grow up as well. There was so much I still had to teach her! I wanted to know what she would be like once she got older; what her dreams and ambitions looked like, etc. How could anyone deny me such simple pleasures? Exactly, no one had the right to do so!

Now all I had to do was find the vampires again. I could do that, right?

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 **Thank you to everyone who is still reading this story! I would love to hear your feedback if you have some time to spare. I am always very unsure about my writing, especially since english isn't my first language. Have a good day, everyone! - J.C.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Reunion**

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This is hopeless. I had thought that tracking my own sent would be a sure-fire way to get back to the coven's home. But this proved to be more difficult than originally imagined; especially since the rain interfered with my plans.

Sometimes I really wished I had control over the natural elements so that I could prevent things like that from happening, or to simply create beautiful days when I'm feeling down. The sun always cheered me up, it promised not only warmth but also made my skin shimmer like diamonds, which was probably the only beautiful thing about my current self.

On the first day of my search I had been too afraid to even take in a single breath, still haunted by the latest happenings. I was scared of feeling that agonizing pain again. My throat hurt just thinking about it. I promised myself that I would never allow myself to get this close to almost murdering another innocent human being again. It just wasn't safe for me to be around them anymore, at least not until I learnt to manage my thirst.

So for now I kept searching for them using only my sight, trying to remember if I had walked past this area before or if anything looked familiar to me. All the while making sure not to breathe which had definitely been an easier task at the beginning of my new life.

Since it wasn't a necessity I soon unlearned the natural reflex I had when I was still human. However, after some time I figured out that every single thing on this planet had a smell so different from what I remembered. Suddenly I could taste the warmth of the sun rays, the sweet odour of decaying wood, damp moss, and the purity of a light breeze. And after I discovered all these novelties I could hardly close myself off again and deny myself access to this new world. My sense of smell only served a single purpose now. It wasn't needed as another air way for oxygen but a filter for my surroundings; like a second pair of eyes.

So now, trying to part with it again felt extremely unnatural, but it was the only way. Until I found the coven again and was safe, safe from myself.

On the other hand, coming to terms with the fact that I was a monster was harder than I thought. I had never given this much consideration but after what had happened I could no longer avoid it. When I was human, I was always described as kind and gentle; a child who behaved perfectly and just how everyone expected me to, someone who couldn't even hurt a fly. People trusted me and I did my best to uphold this image they had of me.

Now I couldn't even trust myself anymore. How could I when I so easily lost control over myself? It was terrifying. I didn't recognize myself in these moments. The feeling was close to blacking out and only realizing afterwards what you have done. And then having to deal with the aftermath of something you had no control over. Picking up the broken pieces you left behind, carrying the guilt of whoever's family you just tore apart, whoever's life you just ended.

I never wanted to hurt anyone. But good intentions wouldn't help a dead person, I couldn't revive them.

This was different from other times you could potentially mess up during your lifetime. Accidently drop a plate? You can buy a new one. Not do well in an exam? Well, there will always be another. Hurt someone by choosing a few thoughtless words during a conversation? Apologize.

I couldn't apologize to a corpse, couldn't fix them or buy a new one. This person had a life, a family, hopes and dreams. And I could destroy all of that in a mere instance. People always tell you that your actions have consequence. I don't think that this statement could ever hold more truth than it did right now.

No, I turned into a monster as soon as I first opened my eyes as a vampire. There was nothing I could do about that; even learning to control myself wouldn't change the fact that I was dangerous. We are all born as these monsters and can only take measures to do the least damage possible while we remain in this world. This is what we owe to all the innocent people who die because of us.

I sighed as I looked up at the dark sky, hearing the thunder rolling in the background. A storm was coming and I wasn't any closer to finding them than I was yesterday. I hadn't paid any attention to my surroundings after I escaped; running was the only thing on my mind, as far as I could without looking back. This now left me stranded, without any directions and still too afraid to even breathe. I just couldn't risk it.

At least now I knew where I was: San José, my hometown. Travelling for two years without getting close to civilisation really messes with your orientation skills. The area I was currently in seemed completely deserted, just a long road stretching on forever. It was shielded on both sides by trees so I could easily hide in there again should someone cross my path. The scarier part would be a human coming my way. This was seriously frustrating. I couldn't continue living like this; constantly afraid of lunging at the first person to come by, endlessly being tortured simply by the thought of human blood. If this was what the rest of my existence was going to look like, then it wasn't even worth it.

For now I still had to remain cautious, so I kept to the roadside. This seemed like the best option since all streets led somewhere eventually. I was sure that the coven lived somewhere close to a town because of their human mannerisms. Still, how was I supposed to locate them? It's not like I could just walk up to someone and ask them if they had seen a bunch of people of otherworldly beauty …even though it wouldn't surprise me if someone actually recognized them through just these features. Human minds were quite shallow sometimes. Not to mention that I didn't even know their last name. If I did then perhaps another coven could help point me in the right direction.

I nearly immediately erased that thought from my mind when I recalled my prior encounters. Bad idea. They were like me after all; the vampires with the golden eyes, the ones who don't drink human blood. Maybe they were also hiding this secret from other vampires and I didn't want to be the reason for their exposure.

Something wet splashed on top of my head and I angrily turned my head to glare at the sky. It had to happen eventually, didn't it? As if to answer my thoughts more raindrops hit my face. The thunderstorm that I had expected seemed to have disappeared but the rain had stayed. In just a few minutes the drizzle had turned into a downpour, soaking me to the bone.

"Great, just what I needed." I thought bitterly and closed my eyes. There was no saving my clothes now and my hair had been dirty and tousled from day one anyways. Even if I decided to use my sense of smell now, it was useless. The rain washed not only the final remains of my sent away but also my last glimmer of hope. At least it provided a calming atmosphere and now that I was already drenched I didn't mind it all that much. I was grateful for my ability to never feel cold; it really came in handy in situations like this. At least I knew that I wouldn't die of the flu or influenza like so many people before me did.

I just hoped that Alice would forgive me for not taking better care of her shoes if I ever found the coven.

"You really have to work on looking less suspicious," a high soprano voice rang out behind me and my eyes flew open in shock. Spinning around quickly I was met by the silhouette of a small woman accompanied by a taller male beside her. Their faces were hidden by the umbrella they were holding. But I knew that voice! How could that be possible?

The woman lifted up the umbrella slightly, revealing her grinning face. The soldier, Jasper, was standing next to her.

"Alice!" The exclamation came rushing out of my mouth faster than I could process it. I stared at her with wide eyes not believing what I was seeing. Was this real? This wasn't a hallucination, right? Could vampires even become delusional?

"Why do you look so surprised? I thought you'd be happy to see us," she pouted, showing her disappointment.

"Of course I am! I just…how in the world did you find me?" Alice's smile only widened at my flabbergasted expression. Then I realised.  
"Hold on, how did you even know that I was searching for you?"

Alice nodded, obviously pleased with my question which just confused me even more.

"Clever, I was wondering when you would ask." She replied before looking me up and down. "I'll tell you, just get out of the rain first. Walking around dripping wet isn't the best look for you." She joked and I grimaced when I felt just how much my clothes were sticking to my body.

But what exactly did she have in mind? I doubt that she would let me stand under their umbrella, there just wasn't enough space left for a third person. Alice also probably wouldn't appreciate her clothes getting wet.

Before I could ask her Jasper suddenly held something out to me. He seemed careful not to get too close to me. His hand was turned sideways which ensured that ours wouldn't touch once I would reach to retrieve the object. I guess he doesn't particularly like me, huh? I probably also wouldn't be fond of the vampire who bolted out of my house in utter panic while yelling at my whole coven.

I tried to smile at him in thanks as I took the second umbrella from his hand.

"I thought you might need it." Alice chimed, repeating the exact same words she had said to me back at their house when she handed me her shoes. I couldn't help but feel like she had done that on purpose. Careful not to put too much pressure on it and break it, I slowly opened the umbrella finally able to stop the pouring rain above me. I silently noted that I was now in the possession of two things that belonged to Alice; she didn't seem to mind though.

"Am I going to end up with your entire closet once you are done with me?" I teased her before realising what had just come out of my mouth. I instantly fell silent, taken aback by my own boldness. I barely knew these vampires!

Immediately my eyes shot up to observe their faces, hoping they hadn't taken offense to my sudden free way of speaking. But my worries were washed away when I saw Jasper cracking a smile at my statement. For some reason I felt accomplished. Even though they technically still were total strangers I felt quite comfortable around them; at least enough to crack a joke apparently. I found that I didn't mind their company.

"Perhaps," Alice replied, looking like she seriously considered my question.

"Don't give her any ideas." Jasper suddenly spoke up and I realised that this was the first time I had properly heard him talk. His voice was calm and steady, a person who you'd instantly put all of your trust in. …Someone who could certainly manipulate people into doing their bidding because they were good at filtering out the right person.

I stopped my string of thoughts right there and reminded myself that I wasn't living in survival mode anymore. He hadn't given me any reason to be so prejudiced against him. There was no need to meticulously analyse each and every person I met. It wasn't fair to people who genuinely tried to be kind. How are they supposed to ever trust me if I don't even give them a chance?

Alice elbowed Jasper at his comment and both of their faces broke into smiles at each other's silliness. I couldn't help but feel happy at the sight, they looked so content together. It must be nice to trust someone absolutely and feel comfortable and protected in their presence.

A stab of envy shot through me as I watched them. Why couldn't I experience these feelings as well? Wasn't I allowed to also find people who I could trust unconditionally? Fate seemed to disagree with my wishes. Not all of us could be this fortunate.

I could no longer watch them as the jealousy grew. It wrapped itself around me like a constrictor trying to suffocate its prey. It wasn't fair! Why did life favour certain people over others? I wasn't any less deserving of love!

"Hey, don't think you can just change the subject! You promised that you would explain how you found me." I interrupted them, trying to hide my true feelings by putting on a curious face. Finally they seemed to notice my presence again and I wondered if I really was that invisible to everyone around me. Maybe I deserved it for what I had done. Yes, my chances of a happy life had been taken from me the moment I committed the mistake. So ultimately I had no right to feel bad or left out since I had it coming.

The soldier frowned as he observed me and I quickly plastered a smile on my face. It hadn't been my intention to let my true feelings shine through; I seriously had to get better at disguising them. Apparently I wasn't very skilled at hiding them since the look on his face didn't vanish.

I was so keen on making him believe that everything was fine that I hadn't noticed Alice's lack of a response at first. But when Jasper turned around to look at her and broke his eye contact with me, my attention was diverted as well. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, she looked almost dazed; her eyes were glazed over. She broke out of whatever trance she was under as Jasper lightly touched her arm.

Alice blinked before her face changed into one of worry. It was only for a split second before it vanished and she grabbed my upper arm, pulling me around to face the road again. I flinched when her fingers graced my skin and Alice quickly let go again.

"Is something wrong?" I couldn't help but ask, her facial expression from before was still burnt into my mind. Where had it suddenly come from? Had I done something to upset them? Alice shook her head and started walking at a quicker pace; I had to run to catch up to her.

"Not at all, but we should get moving." She turned her head to look at me with a disapproving gaze. "Do you know how close you were to a village? You can't stand around here in the pouring rain. If someone spots you they might ask questions." At the mention of other humans' presence panic bubbled up inside me. How much distance still lay between us?! I had carefully avoided them these past days and now I nearly ran right into their open arms? Alice shared a meaningful look with Jasper and I felt him lightly put his hand on my upper back as if to guide me into the right direction. This time I held back a shudder, telling myself that I promised to trust him. After all, I wanted something from this coven. I couldn't forget the goal I had set for myself.

"The rain has kept them at home, so there is no need to worry for now." To my surprise I actually felt comforted by Jasper's words.

"Our car is parked just down the road; we'll use it to get back." Alice explained as she quickened her steps. I could almost feel the questions simmering inside me, the confusion clearly written on my face. Was I supposed to believe that they had just coincidentally been around the neighbourhood and run into me? If that was their explanation then I definitely wasn't buying it.

But they hadn't lied and a few moments later the silhouette of a car appeared in the distance. It looked so different from the one my aunt had owned all these years ago. Even through the downpour I could tell that the red varnish had recently been polished and felt a little bad that the rain would now ruin all of someone's hard work.

A gentle push urged me to pick up my pace. Why were they in such a hurry? Did they just want to finally get out of the rain?

Alice slipped into the passenger seat while Jasper guided me to the backseat, still not having left my side. I felt a little ridiculed by now; it wasn't like I couldn't get into the car on my own. Annoyed, I shut the door behind me, watching Jasper get into the driver's seat and start up the car. Neither of us bothered to put on our seatbelts. We all knew that if an accident occurred we wouldn't be the ones taking the damage. The tires started rolling and I turned back to look out of the rear window.

Just as the car took off I spotted two people rounding a corner and walking towards the direction the car had just stood in.

…Those were humans! And we had just sparely avoided them! They had made sure that I wouldn't attack them! How could they have known? It was timed too perfectly; this just couldn't have been a coincidence. It would also explain Alice's worried expression and why they had hurried so much. But how, how?

"You can breathe again." Alice's words made me tear my eyes away from the window and turn around to face them. I could see her watching me through the rear-view mirror. For a second her sharp gaze seemed almost like a warning before she turned her eyes back to the road. I took in a deep breath, relieved that I wasn't blind anymore. Originally expecting the smell of the car's steel frame, I was hit by the overwhelming sent of polished wood, plastic and wool. Thankfully we had escaped the scene quickly and the smell of the two people didn't manage to linger in the air. The thought brought me back to the topic at hand again and in the same breath I asked, "Are you psychic or something?"

I had expected them to at least look surprised but when their facial expressions didn't change I thought that my assumption was wrong. However, Alice proved me otherwise.

"You hit the nail on the head"

"I know that…wait, really?" I couldn't believe that I was correct! Immediately my interest was piqued. The redhead never got around to telling me about his power but now I had the chance to ask about someone else's.  
"Tell me more…please?"

"My visions are based on decisions. I can see the outcome of someone's actions depending on their choices. When you decided to find us again I saw your future change. I promise that I wasn't spying on you, I just knew that you would eventually meet us again because I had already seen in once before. So I was simply checking to see if you were alright." Wait, did that mean she also saw me almost attacking those men? My fingers clenched the wet fabric of my shirt but Alice simply continued.  
"I saw that you had trouble finding us, so I decided to speed up the process a little. Otherwise it would have taken you a few weeks, trust me." I tried to piece all of this new information together.

"So…you saw me come here and waited for me?"

"We had been standing there for the past hour. I need to work on my timing." Alice laughed. "But we knew that you would eventually show up."

"Back then, you saw these two people coming closer towards us?" Alice nodded.  
"So you can see everyone's future then?" At this she shook her head.

"Theirs was interfering with ours. Normally I can see the future of people close to me much clearer and easier. Yours would have been more difficult to find if I wasn't searching for it in particular." This was all a little much to process but also incredibly impressive. It made me wish that I was as gifted as Alice or the redhead. But then again, there might also be bad sides to having these powers. So maybe it wasn't all that bad to be ordinary. Being a vampire alone was already strange enough.

I tried diverting my attention by looking around the car again. I heard the rain drum against the windshield and sunk deeper into the seats before remembering just how soaked my clothes were. I had placed my now folded umbrella on my lap to avoid it dripping everywhere which seemed almost futile.

"I am sorry for drenching your seats. If I had known that I would be sitting in such a fancy car I would have been more careful." Since they had just pushed me into the backseat I didn't really have a chance to refuse their offer. On the other hand, I was glad to get away before those humans showed up.

"Why did I know you'd say that?" Alice responded with a sigh but left the subject alone. I suppose ruining other people's property wasn't a big deal for them? If I bought something as expensive as a car I would want people to treat it with care. Although now that I think about it, my aunt never really cared about keeping hers tidy either. It always had a rear trailer attached to it to help carry either products, tools or hay. The seats smelled of dirt and I remember once finding a loose carrot under my seat. But even our car hadn't been able to reach the speed at which we were driving right now.

The engine was protesting. They were probably pushing it to the limit. I didn't mind the speed even though it was different from running. You didn't feel the wind hitting your face; instead it was almost like you were flying without moving. The view outside my window was crystal clear; I could see every tiny detail, every single leave of the trees beside the road. Had I been human they would have probably all blended together into a mix of colours, but now nothing got past me. Being lulled into this comfortable atmosphere almost made me forget where I was going. Instantly I was on edge again. In just a little bit of time I would be confronted with the whole coven once more; after freaking out, running away and rejecting their help. What if they sent me away? There wasn't anyone else I could ask for help. I would be back at square one with no chance to ever return home.

"What's wrong?" Jasper's deep voice was quiet but it made me jump nevertheless. Had I already let my worry show? Why were they always so quick to notice my change of moods?

"Nothing, I was just thinking." What a lame excuse, but now I could feel the worry bubbling up inside me.

"One more question, Alice." I paused for a second. Would it be wise to ask them? Maybe I was worrying needlessly. But then again, I was scared of seeing them. I wished we could have parted on better terms. They both patiently waited for me to continue.  
"Do…do the others know that I am coming back with you?" I closely watched Alice's reaction in the rear-view mirror but she simply shrugged.

"Not everyone was home when we left, so not everyone knows." I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach at the news. They weren't aware of my arrival yet. I could already see them turn me away.  
"Since you can see the future, Alice…do you maybe see their reactions? Will they be upset?" Alice thought about my question before closing her eyes while I anxiously waited for her response. I hoped that she would be able to give me an answer since I had no idea how to approach the situation yet. I was completely lost when it came to the coven since this whole situation was so different from anything I had ever known. But if I was them I probably wouldn't be thrilled to see me again either. While waiting for her response I shifted nervously in my seat, I was on pins and needles.

Alice opened her eyes again and paused dramatically while I leaned forward to catch every single one of her words.

"Nope," I almost groaned. "It is all very blurry since you are so indecisive. There are too many directions this could go in." My shoulders slumped in defeat. So I couldn't count on Alice to help me through this. What did I expect? I always had to handle everything on my own anyways.

"They aren't as scary as you believe them to be." Jasper suddenly spoke up and I could do nothing but nod. I really hope that he is right. Otherwise they can just turn this car around so I can stop wasting their precious time.

"Speaking of visions…" Alice's words made me look up again. "I saw something that I wanted to ask you about." Her tone had turned grave and I felt myself tense up. This was it, she would ask about the men I nearly murdered in cold blood. Shame and regret rose up inside me at the thought. Now Jasper would find out as well and know that he couldn't trust me after all. In the end it proved that nothing I ever did really mattered. I would mess up again and again and my mistakes would always be held against me. I clutched the umbrella tighter, trying to find something to hold onto as I waited for her disappointed lecture.

And it came…but not in the way that I had expected it.

"How could you put water into your shoes?" The breath I was holding escaped me all at once and mixed together with the confused "What?" that left my lips.  
"I saw you putting them into the lake; don't you know that the leather cracks over time without proper care?" She sounded so serious that I couldn't help but laugh; maybe it was simply out of relief.

"But they are already soaked now!" I tried to defend myself as Alice pursed her lips, obviously unhappy.  
"I tried to keep them clean since they were a present. I promise that I don't bear any ill will against these shoes. I actually really like them."

"You better not." She replied but I could see the smile forming on her lips. I hoped she knew that I really cherished her present; I just wasn't well versed when it came to clothing material and their proper care.

The topic now changed to a different one and I was glad about not having to discuss my encounter in the woods right now. However, there was no doubt in my mind that Alice knew about it. If she had been looking for my future she must have seen such a dangerous event…but she hadn't mentioned it.

As I leaned back into my seat once more I silently thanked Alice for not revealing my shameful secret without my consent.

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 **Thank you for reading, everyone. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

 **In response to my first review (thank you so much, looking at it makes me immensely happy!): If you are curious about the plotline I don't think you have much choice other than to continue reading the story, haha. But, as of now, I have not planned for this to be an EdwardxOC fanfiction.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: A request**

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The closer we got to our destination the more nervous I became.

Alice had told me that the drive would have normally taken about 8 hours, but we managed to make it in less than 4 due to the fast speed at which we were travelling. I also learnt that their place of residency was located in Port Orford, Oregon; a city so small that I had never heard of it before. Despite moving many times when I was younger I had never been so far up North before. It really made me wonder how I was going to get home once I learnt to control my thirst. Would they take me back again?

Just in case I tried to memorise every single turn, each street that we took to get there, which surprisingly wasn't very difficult. My brain seemed to be far more capable than before…actually I wasn't quite sure what helped me to remember all the buildings and roads we drove by. After all, every organ inside my body was dead and therefore no longer functional. I knew that because my heart wasn't beating anymore either. So, was it really my brain that was at work here after all?

Alice managed to keep me occupied by chatting away and distracting me from the upcoming reunion. I suppose she noticed how much I was dreading it and I was thankful for her attentiveness. Now and then, Jasper also piped up but stayed quiet for the most part, something I actually preferred in most cases. Alice was a very nice person but sometimes I really valued silence over anything else. In this case however, her talking came as a blessing. I felt that the atmosphere in this car would have been very uncomfortable otherwise.

They never managed to completely take my mind off the topic at hand though. It was almost like I could feel the presence of the coven getting closer. The most unsettling thing about them was definitely their enormous size. It was just uncommon…like everything else about them.

I wouldn't have had such a problem with it if I had to only face one or two of them. But now I was asking seven people for help, which also meant that I would be indebted to all of them. And I hadn't figured out how to pay them back yet. It made me wish that I had had more experiences with vampires in the past so that I knew how to properly act around them. Living in the woods hasn't helped me become better at socialising, that's for sure. Sadly, none of the once I met so far were very keen on having a civilised conversation. Let's not even talk about the once who thought that I was invading their territory.

During the last hour of our drive I was able to watch the sea that snaked along the southern coast of Oregon. Never before had I been this close to such a huge body of water and I couldn't help but marvel at its seemingly never-ending width. The rain had now ceased as well, which gave me an idea. After a short consultation with Alice I was allowed to roll down my window for a few minutes. The fresh air did me good and the salty smell that came with it was something new and exciting. The wind hitting my face as the car rushed past the coast and the trees at the side of the road was exhilarating. I never wanted to close my eyes again.

The last few meters leading up the driveway to their private home were the worst. My emotions were conflicting and all over the place; one minute I felt calm and then the other the fear came crashing down on me again. The seconds seemed to pass in slow motion as I constantly glanced out of the window, just to see that we had barely moved. I was nervously wringing my hands, which was a habit I already adopted back when I was human. When I looked up I noticed that Jasper looked almost as scared as I currently felt, which did nothing to dispel my fear. If he had a reason to be afraid then I surely should have one as well.

I was honestly contemplating the idea of just running away again. This would be easier to deal with than this. Who cares that it took me weeks to come back here? …No, that wouldn't be the right decision. I would surely come to regret it if I went through with my plan. Maybe I could simply stay in the car for a while longer? It's not like they were waiting to see me again anyways, right?

Before I could seriously consider my idea the car door opened and an impatient looking Alice greeted me.

"You have come here for a reason." She reminded me and immediately managed to pull me back into the present. Alice was right, of course she was. I had a goal I wanted to achieve. Running away wouldn't get me any closer to it, it would just cost time. And with that came the consequences. My father and sister would age and soon their lives would be slipping through my fingers while I couldn't do anything but hide. This was the chance I had been searching for; I just had to grab it instead of rejecting it like I always did.

I nodded at Alice and exited the car with a "Thank you" in her direction. Jasper joined us as we approached the door. I couldn't see any of the other coven members yet and a small part of me hoped that they had gone out again. The glass inserted on both sides of the wooden door glinted slightly and gave me a strange sense of déjà-vu, as if I was forgetting something connected with it.

Then it came back to me: My burning throat, the sound of smashing glass. I quickly banished the feeling, I had felt enough pain during these past weeks to last me years. But I remembered now: I had broken the glass during my last visit while trying to get out of the house as quickly as possible. I had never tried to control my strength before which proved to be a problem when it came to handling everyday objects. They were much more fragile than I remembered them to be. I was surprised that I hadn't ripped out the door knob as well while I was at it. The glass looked as good as new. Like I had never touched in the first place. There were no indications of any cracks.

I reached out to touch it, wanting to see for myself if it was really there.

"The glass…I-"

"Don't." Alice's voice stopped me from moving any closer.  
"You'll break it again." Before I could feel offended she pointed to her forehead. "I saw it."

I pulled back my hand and looked down at it. There was so much raw strength contained inside this small body. I could break anything upon contact without meaning to…another thing that was out of my control.

Before I could reply, the door swung open; no one had touched it. …They must have heard the car approaching. I squirmed uncomfortably as I met the golden eyes of the leader's mate, Esme. There hadn't even been enough time for me to prepare myself.

"Hello, Emily. Welcome back." She smiled at me as if she had forgotten what had happened last time, as if I hadn't ruined their door when I ran away. But her friendliness didn't seem forced. Maybe she was just a very forgiving person? Only now did I notice that they were waiting for me to say something.

"Y-yes! Hello!" I stuck out my hand to her before realising that I probably didn't even need to do that. No vampire had ever bothered with basic greetings. It went down more like this: "Will you be a threat to our food source? Then perish."

Before I could pull back my hand she gently shook mine, it seemed as if it that was a part of everyday life for her. I admired how easy she made it look to blend in and act human.

"I am so glad that we can finally have a chance to properly meet each other. Please come in." This time I pulled off my shoes and stepped into the house barefoot. The carpet was just as soft as I had imagined it to be. Alice and Jasper walked past me and I saw Esme lightly touch both of their shoulders as they walked by. A caring gesture, she was glad that they made it back safely. Neither of them flinched away from her and Alice even shared a smile with the woman. There was no fear in their eyes, no pretending as to not anger the other person; they honestly just seemed content to be in each other's presence. Like…a family.  
"If I may ask, why did you change your mind? Is there anything we can do for you?" Her voice wasn't accusing, she was genuinely curious.

I nodded, "Is your leader here? I need to talk to him."

"Carlisle is currently at work but he should return soon. You can wait here for him if you like." At first I wanted to immediately refuse her offer. Staying in this house would be not only uncomfortable for me, but also for the other vampires present. But then again, if I were to go outside I might come across someone by accident. I wasn't sure how close we were to other humans' residences, so staying here would probably be safer.

But there was another thing that she said that intrigued me. Apparently the leader managed to down hold a job. What profession could he practise that allowed him to stay moderately far away from humans without reveal his identity or accidentally murdering them? Nothing came to mind. Alice's voice interrupted my thoughts as she turned to look at me.

"Since there is still some time left, would you like to take a shower? I can imagine that you didn't have a proper one since your transformation." If she put it like that, she made me sound incredibly filthy. No proper hygiene could turn a human into a cesspool for all kinds of diseases, but this didn't apply to you if you were a vampire. Since my sweat glands were non-functional I didn't produce any body odour anymore. However, the mud and dried blood that had built up over the course of two years was enough to gross anyone out.

"Please." Having the prospects of a relaxing shower in my near future definitely helped me feel more hopeful about what was yet to come. The more I thought about how dirty my clothes were, the worse the desire to finally get them off me became. It could slip your mind if you weren't focusing on it, but now I could feel them sticking to my skin more than ever before. The dust, the mud, the blood, the dirty water, all mixed together into this awful concoction that my fabric had soaked up.

Alice danced over to me and held out her hand.

"Can I?" At least she was considerate enough to ask this time, she hadn't forgotten my recent reactions. I knew that she had been nothing but nice to me ever since I first met them, but it took more than that to build up trust. And now was just not the right time. I shook my head. If she was disappointed then she hid it very well.

Alice led me down the hallway towards the office-looking room I had been in last time. The sofas still stood in the same place; the fully stocked book shelves situated on the right looked untouched and were neatly lined up next to each other. There was not a speck of dust on the surface of the desk at the front of the room. It almost looked as if no time at all had passed. But we didn't go into the room, instead, Alice turned to the right, revealing another short hallway I hadn't noticed before. Looking behind me, I saw that there was also one going the other way, followed by a staircase at the end of each.

When we reached the upper floor I noticed that both staircases were connected by the landing. So ultimately, it didn't matter if you went left or right on the bottom floor. It was quite bright up here as well, as if they had made an effort to keep the space as open as possible. Exploring new parts of the house was fun, especially since it was so much bigger and prettier than my old home. The floor was made of hardwood parquet; the tiles were arranged in such a way that they created geometrical patterns. I had to admit that it was very beautiful to look at.

The upper floor was separated by two rooms, one on each side of two opposite walls. Both doors were closed but I noticed that they were made out of various kinds of wood. They smelled significantly different. A large window was placed at the end of the hallway and in front of it stood a retractable staircase that potentially led up to an attic. We had one of those back at the ranch as well, though there was never anything in it that would be worth exploring. Its contents consisted mainly of hay stacks, which at least made it a fabulous place for a game of hide and seek.

"We'll use the bathroom in Esme and Carlisle's room. All of them are master bedrooms." At my confused look she explained. "They are rooms connected to a bathroom which allows each of us to have our privacy." I nodded even though I didn't completely understand. It's not like vampires really had a use for such fancy things…unless you had to pretend. Now I understood; bathrooms were normal and very human. It would easily deceive anyone into believing that people actually lived here. But why would you want humans to come into your home in the first place? …Unless you were trying to trick them into walking right to their deaths.

Everything in this house was ginormous and excessive. Back home we had only been four people and we still managed to live quite comfortably despite having an average house. But this was too much. I had never seen a room of this size before, never mind the attached bathroom. And on top of that everything was perfectly colour coded and fit the style of the house. The mattresses were huge; I believe they called them king and queen sized in magazines. They had only now started becoming popular. The walls were decorated with colourful patterns, huge curtains and numerous flower pots. These were probably the reason why the air in the room faintly smelled of roses. Then came all the standard stuff: A wardrobe, shelves and two armchairs, lamps, more books than I could count, and of course, another carpet.

Alice shoved me into the bathroom before I could continue to observe the rest of the room and closed the door behind me. I heard her footsteps retract and finally allowed myself to relax. The door had a lock and I turned it until I hear a quiet click. I felt safer like this; even though I knew that it wouldn't be of much use. If someone wanted to get into the room then they would find a way. I was also convinced that they would at least show enough decency not to walk into the bathroom when they knew someone else was in there. It wasn't like they couldn't hear me.

This room had a colour scheme like the rest of the house. It complemented the one in the bed room well. Whoever had designed them definitely had an eye for details. Everything in here must have cost a fortune. How did they manage to continue living in such an expensive place? I doubted that the leader's "job" paid enough money to afford all of this.

The floor and wall around the corner tub were decorated with small, square mosaic tiles. The tan and green colours of the tiles were combined with natural woodwork and reminded me of the sea I had seen on my way here. The towel racks were adorned by decorative towel that I didn't dare touch. It even had two sinks! Back home, I had to share one bathroom with my whole family, so we had to make due with only one. It wasn't as bad as it sounds; you just had to divide the time you could use amongst four people. We managed somehow.

A lone towel was conveniently placed at the edge of the washbowl; I could only guess that it was for my taking. Quickly stripping off my clothes, I walked over to grab it and made the mistake of looking up.

I caught sight of my face in the mirror and winced at my appearance. Strands of hair were stuck together in clumps, held together by dried dirt. Even though they had some time to dry after the rain, they still looked damp and straggly. There was mud all over my cheeks and neck, anywhere my skin hadn't been hidden beneath my clothing. But despite how disgusting I felt, my outer appearance didn't falter. Big, round, golden eyes that seemed to draw you in, a small face and a thin nose, everything about my facial features looked soft and appealing. They perfectly disguised the monster hidden beneath them; no one would suspect such an angelic looking girl to be a murderer. It was beauty that was directed at my prey; the perfect trap to lure them in. How disgusting.

I turned away quickly, grabbed the towel and turned my back on my reflection. _Stop wasting so much time._ The showerhead was a little too high but I'd have to make do with it. Out of the corner of my eyes I could still see my reflection since the mirror was put on the wall opposite of me. I quickly grabbed the shower curtains affixed to both sides of the tub and yanked them into the right position. Out of sight, out of mind; the monster slept for now.

I had forgotten how nice the feeling of warm water was. Even though cold temperatures didn't have much of an impact on me, I was more sensitive to warmth. It was comforting, like a hug shunning you from the cold world around you. As the water rained down on me, I closed my eyes, letting the darkness pull me in.

Water was clean and pure. Surely it could cleanse me as well. The way it rid me off the dirt, perhaps it could do the same for my actions. Wash them away and cloth me in a different skin; one who's hands weren't soiled with someone else's blood. On the other hand, diving down into the water is calming on a different level. You just disappear off the face of the earth. Surrounded by the dark you can't make any mistakes; there are no challenges to face, which meant you couldn't fail. A life where you couldn't get hurt or cause someone else pain; it sounded too good to be true…because it was.

Living like this would be impossible since it didn't allow any space for improvement, neither did it provide company. I enjoyed solitude to a certain degree but being chained to a life deprived of love would be my worst nightmare. I was a monster who shouldn't be allowed to be close to other people but at the same time my craving for it was stronger than my intuition. It dissolved my resolute in the blink of an eye. I was pathetic. If isolation meant being the stronger person then I was weak.

A knock on the door jolted me out of my thoughts. It felt like breaking through the surface after being trapped in the dark. I tried to control my involuntary response to gasp for air; I knew that I didn't actually need it. My eyes flew open and the first thing I saw were the still pulled closed shower curtains.

"I got some clean clothes for you. I'll leave them out here for you, Emily." This was Alice's voice. I didn't move until I heard her close the bedroom door in the other room again. I should be careful about getting so lost in my thoughts; coming back from such an experience always left me feeling dazed. With a sigh I turned off the running water. I wasn't sure how much time had passed since I had stepped into the bathtub. It shouldn't have taken Alice long to come back with new clothes, right? But I refused to believe that only a few second had passed. Maybe she had tried to give me some privacy.

When I pulled back the curtains I was careful to avoid the mirror and grabbed the towel I had dropped onto the floor next to me. I dried myself off quickly and only patted the tips of my hair to stop them from dripping everywhere. When I listened to the noises around me I had a hard time making out the presence of the other vampires in the house. Everything was quiet. At least I knew that no one was waiting for me in the other room so I quickly went and retrieved the articles of clothing that Alice had laid out for me.

I let my fingers run over the soft fabric, surprised by how similar they were to the ones I normally wore at home. Although, I probably shouldn't be, it was Alice who picked them out after all. She had kept it very simple: An under gathered skirt with a cardigan sweater. They were accompanied by bobby socks and saddle shoes. I probably liked them even more than my other clothes because they felt so familiar.

Despite my previous aversion I still took a quick peek at my reflection. The clothes were slightly too big on me, I could guess that they probably didn't belong to Alice. But they made me look put together; they gave me back a sense of security because I recognized myself in them. I tried to pet down my bangs, which had already started drying and began to get curly. My hair barely reached chin length, so I was sure it would be okay to air dry it. However, the humid air in the bathroom already made it become frizzy.

But I now also understood why I had tolerated my mud covered appearance at first. The dirt hid the scars. Now you could clearly see the crescent shaped mark on my neck. Just looking at it made me feel uncomfortable. But that wasn't the end of it. Though my current sweater covered it, I still knew it was there. Pulling the fabric off my right shoulder revealed a long crack going down to my armpit. Another scar that would never heal. I gently grazed it, feeling the uneven, ruptured skin beneath my touch. Thankfully, it could be hidden much simpler than the one on my neck.

I had enough of staring at my flawed reflection and left the room without another look back.

As I slowly walked down the stairs I kept nervously pulling at my cardigan. Now that I was out in the open again I felt my worries coming back. Had I really made the right decision?

My eyes immediately scanned the area for signs of Alice. She had been with me ever since I returned and always seemed eager to help me. Since she was such an open and friendly person she was easy to get along with. Out of everyone, I knew that I could trust her the most right now. Not knowing where she was left me feeling anxious and uneasy.

Now the house felt so much bigger and more intimidating than before. The hallways stretched into infinity with the other coven members possibly lurking around any corner. I didn't like the fact that I had suddenly become so dependent on Alice, not one bit, but I felt more secure in her presence. Should I call her name? Would she even respond? What if the others did in her place?

"There you are! I was wondering why you were taking so long." Suddenly she was in front of me as if she had heard my silent call.

"Oh, Alice; thank god, I-" The words came rushing out of my mouth so quickly that even I couldn't comprehend them. I quickly stopped myself; even Alice looked surprised at my sudden outburst. But the momentary relief I had felt at her appearance was scary; I knew that I couldn't get attached to them. What good would that do me?

"Are you okay?" Her words were careful and I could hear the concern in her voice as she regarded me. Great! Wonderful job, Emily. Weren't you working on looking less insane? I nodded quickly, hoping to stifle her worries.  
"What are you doing?" Her sudden question surprised me. What did she mean? I watched as she pointed at my neck and only now did I realise that my hand was still pressed against it to hide the scar.

"O-oh…I-" How do you explain something like this? Was it normal to want to hide a scar like that? I mean, every vampire had one but that doesn't mean that everyone has to be proud of it. "Can I…have a scarf please?" I couldn't tell her about it after all. But I could do my best to hide it. Not from the others, they had all seen it already. No, I wanted to hide it from myself. I didn't want to see the reminder of my death every time I looked into the mirror.

Alice kept silent for a second and at first I thought she would refuse my request. Then she nodded with an understanding smile and disappeared, reappearing only seconds later with a scarf in hand. I thanked her and tied it around my neck, making sure it completely covered the scar.

"Did something happen while I was gone?" I asked while hoping that the answer wouldn't be anything but a no. I couldn't deal with anymore unexpected surprises today.

"Well, Carlisle and Edward arrived. So you can have the conversation you wanted with him." I nodded as I felt my guts twist in anticipation. I could do this. Alice's words still floated around in the back of my mind: "You are here for a reason" Exactly, and that's why I have to muster up enough courage to go through with this plan. The mind reader was here as well. I didn't exactly know if that was mere coincidence or if they needed him in order to make sure that I wouldn't lie to them.

We reached the end of the hallway and Alice pointed towards the office-looking room I had been in once before. So the location hadn't changed from last time. The blonde haired leader was already waiting for me; he was alone this time.

"Emily. I was informed that you wanted to have a word with me?" When I looked to my right I saw that Alice had already disappeared. As I slowly walked over towards him I practised properly phrasing my request in my head. At the same time I desperately tried to push down the uneasy feeling that had settled in my stomach.

"First of all, I wanted to apologize for how my first visit ended. Thank you for not immediately sending me away again. I know that my behaviour was unacceptable." And I meant it; I really wished I could have given them a better impression of myself. But I was here to fix that now because I simply couldn't afford to leave again. I needed their help. There wasn't a single vampire I had ever come across who had attempted to manage their thirst before. None of them valued human life as much as these vampires did.

"Please, think nothing of it. We should have been more considerate of your feelings as well." He actually tried to console me even though he knew they weren't at fault. They hadn't forced me to tell them anything. I agreed to it and insisted on continuing even when they told me I didn't have to.

"What brings you back here?" Now we were coming to the point. This was my only existing plan, there were no other options.

"I have a favour to ask of you." His facial expression didn't change; he was simply waiting for me to continue. That meant he would at least hear me out! I finally felt a gleam of hope. Maybe I could really make this work! But first, I knew that I had to tell him about what had happened in the forest.  
"After I had left your house I...travelled for a bit." Nice way of putting "ran away and hid".  
"I didn't know how long I had been running for, but I eventually reached a forest." I swallowed and could no longer maintain eye contact with the leader.  
"I wasn't paying attention and thought an animal had managed to sneak up on me. However, it turned out to be a human..." I could still remember their frightened faces. At the time I hadn't cared, I had actually enjoyed their terror. But now that I thought about it with a clear mind I understood how horrifying my behaviour had been. And worst of all...I was so close to actually following through with my plan. This world would have nearly lost four people on that day.  
"I escaped the area and ran away before anything could happen." This time I wasn't ashamed to admit that I had fled the scene. No, I was proud of not giving in to my instincts. It was an improvement. Even though the pain I had felt during that time was something I would rather not experience twice. I could see the leader visibly relax as his shoulders loosened ever so slightly. Of course I didn't miss that. So he definitely believed that I could have potentially murdered them. For some reason I felt irritation build up inside of me. His insinuation didn't sit right with me.  
"But resisting this urge was incredibly difficult. I have no experience when it comes to dealing with it." Now came the most important part, my actual request. I lifted my eyes to meet his. He had already been watching me, his gaze was thoughtful.  
"I know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this; to constantly be a danger to everyone around me. This is why I came to ask for your help. You are the first vampires I have ever met who seem to care about human life as much as I do. I could never agree with the methods of others. And I want to change for the better but I can't do it alone. You are my only chance. So please, I beg of you; take my request into consideration."

There, I said it. Now my fate was in their hands. I might not have told him the whole story but no one said that I couldn't leave out a few little details. To my surprise I saw how the leader's face broke into a gentle smile. Was that...a good sign?

"I believe that it was a wise decision to come to someone and ask for help instead of watching it slowly spiral out of control. Even though the rest of my family still needs to be informed, I am certain that none of us will have a problem when it comes to teaching you our ways." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He agreed! My words had somehow managed to resonate with him. And here I was, inside their home, with no incidences this time. On top of all that, I managed to get one step closer to achieving my goal. All of the worries that had kept building up during the past days melted away from me.

"Really? You mean it? Thank you so much!" And for the first time I could show him a real smile, one that wasn't held captive by my fears or uncertainty. I wasn't sure how the rest of the coven would react to my request, but at least I had the leader's approval. They had managed to control their thirst, so I was sure that I could learn to do the same. Finally, I could see a light at the end of this dark tunnel.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Conversations**

* * *

With that it was decided. After the lead-...Carlisle spoke to the others the response I received was overwhelmingly positive. Especially Esme seemed thrilled when she heard of my request. Alice immediately sided with me as well, which I was incredibly grateful for. Not one of them objected as Carlisle proposed my plea. They reacted completely differently from what I had imagined. They were understanding of my situation and I had seen compassionate expressions on their faces. It was as if they honestly didn't believe me to be weak or pathetic for not being able to handle this alone.

I suppose I made the right decision in the end by asking them for help; I really don't know where else I would have gotten the strength from to continue otherwise. At least I now had a clear goal in my mind that I was determined to follow. And there was nothing that could stop me from pursuing it.

My chances to become an artist may have been taken from me for forever now, but this was something I could still achieve. It wasn't so far out of reach, and the price I could receive was invaluable. Being able to reunite with my family was all I wanted. Who cares that I could probably never go out anymore during the day? Or that I wouldn't be able to start higher education and forever stay at my current level? And never be able to meet new people and make friends anymore?

…This life was truly cursed.

Even though I was still unsure about this coven, I would never forget the generosity they showed me on that day. Their willingness to trust a complete stranger made me think about re-evaluating my own view on them.

And their kindness didn't stop there. They had even provided me with my own little space for privacy; a room inside their house, which was reserved as a guest room. How fitting, I guess I really was one. It was situated on a completely different floor that had been hidden from my sight so far. In the living room stood a spiral stair case that led up to Edward's room and now consequently my own as well.

I felt a little awkward at first, knowing that I was invading his space. This part of the house had originally belonged to him; he had the entire floor to himself. I was told that he had made this decision on his own; he chose to stay separated from the others. Edward apparently also preferred solitude as much as I did. I made a mental note not to bother him.

Nevertheless, I was insanely happy with my assigned room. Until I managed to get used to their presence it was comforting to know that I had the possibility to retreat if I needed to. The room was equipped with a double bed, not that I would ever be able to use it, but it made me feel more at home. Anything that resembled the life I once had made me feel less anxious, which was something I was finally able to realise after two years of hiding in the wilderness. I actually preferred the more human side of things.

At first, the fact that they all behaved so human had been frustrating as well. It made it incredibly difficult to read them if you compared them to other, more "rogue" vampires. Those always went with their primal instincts, which hadn't been difficult to guess, even for a newborn. Food was the top priority, defending their territory the second. What really threw me off was this coven's peacefulness. I wasn't a violent person either but there was something that struck me as different about them. The reason why I had felt so threatened by them at first was solely because of their size, not because of their demeanour. In my eyes they resembled saints more than anything else.

So after I got to spend more time around them I grew to love how much their behaviour resembled that of human beings. I wasn't used to the rough ways other vampires treated each other and I just couldn't imagine myself staying with a different coven. This one seemed to be communicating on a completely different level. They were all linked, held together tightly by an invisible force and therefore able to form bonds that went much deeper than ones I had seen so far. And that connection went beyond the concept of mates. It was quite…fascinating.

I now also saw how wrong this life really was for me. This vampiristic behaviour didn't suit me one bit. I belonged with the humans! And since I couldn't be with them right now, this was my best shot.

It slowly dawned on me that this coven wasn't all that scary after all. No, real vampires were. They, on the other hand, reminded me of a piece of myself I had thought long to be lost. The human side of myself, something so precious, that I wanted to lock it away and keep it contained and safe for the rest of my existence. That was something else no one could take from me. If I could find my way back to my former existence, if I could harvest just a little piece of my previous life, then perhaps I wasn't completely lost.

Finally breaking out of my hazy, dream-like state, my eyes flew open and I found myself gazing at the ceiling above me. My fingers stretched out to grab the soft fabric of the blankets beneath me. It had been two years since I got the chance to lie on such a comfortable mattress or even in a bed. It would take some time to get used to this; to start believing that this was really happening and not some kind of feverish dream. At least I could always count on the fact that it couldn't be a dream, because vampires didn't sleep.

I actually missed drifting off into this unconscious state. If everything got too overwhelming, if your body was exhausted from the day, you could escape into a world of smoke and mirrors. One that would vanish as soon as you opened your eyes, one that you could even modify to fit your own wishes every once in a while. Then again, if I could actually sleep my dreams would probably be filled with horrible images and scenarios. Or perhaps I would see my parents and my sister, which would be even more haunting. Because when I woke up all of that would be ripped away from me again and the pain would only become worse. It was probably wiser to just let the wound heal.

It was time to get up. I could definitely sit around here all day but that wouldn't get me anywhere. The other vampires had left me alone ever since I had retreated into my new room but I knew that my time was running out. The more seconds ticked by, the closer the sun got to setting and with that another day would end. Then came the next, and the next, and soon I would ask myself how I could so thoughtlessly let myself lose track of time. My head rolled over to the right side where I could hear a clock ticking. 4:36 pm. Time passed by so quickly, I had never noticed that before. If you were surrounded by nothing but nature, the concept of time seemed like a myth. What did it matter if it was noon or dusk?

"Get up." I told myself repeatedly, hoping that that would motivate me as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and pushed myself off of it. Even though I didn't need to rest I was exhausted. I should save such heavy topics for a time when I could really afford being lazy. I now had an even bigger challenge ahead of me: Facing my new life with these vampires.

The house was quiet but that didn't mean anything if your roommates were vampires.

No! Actually, if I paid close attention...there was a light scratching noise that reminded me of a pencil grazing a piece of paper. Was someone...drawing? For some reason I felt excitement bubble up inside of me at the thought. I hadn't been able to pick up my hobby for a long time and just the possibility of watching someone else draw was enthralling.

My steps made no sound as I ascended down the spiral staircase. I looked up when I reached the bottom and was met by the sight of three vampires. Just my luck...

Okay, get it together! We aren't here to make enemies and so far they have been nothing but friendly towards you.

"Finally, there you are! We thought you actually fell asleep." Alice grinned as her upside down face stared back at me. I nearly rolled my eyes at her joke but was glad that her sentence had broken the silence. Alice had a gift for making situations feel less uncomfortable.

"I wish," was all I could mumble. It was as if she knew what I had been thinking about for the past few hours.

Alice was lying on one of the two couches that stood in the living room. Her legs were draped over Jasper's lap, who sat beside her, while her head dangled over the edge of the sofa cushion. Both of them were reading books whose covers looked as different as their personalities. On the other hand, Esme sat in one of the arm chairs, a pencil in hand and a notebook of some sorts in her other. I couldn't stop myself.

"Are you drawing something?" The excitement in my voice was clearly evident but my intrigue was far greater than the embarrassment I would have potentially felt otherwise. Esme lifted her head at the sound of my voice. She looked surprised, as if she hadn't expected me to speak to her. Slowly I could feel the guilt creep up on me, had I really been such an unpleasant guest that they now didn't even think I would try to strike up a conversation?

Esme's facial expression changed into a happier one as she turned the notebook around so that I could take a look at it. I could perfectly see it from where I stood but I was determined to make up for my lack of politeness. So I stepped closer until I stood in front of her, cautious to not make her feel uncomfortable either.

It turned out to not just be a simple drawing. It depicted a beautiful mansion and each room inside of it on the second page. Little notes were scribbled around the edges of the paper in a delicate handwriting. They included remarks about different shades of colour, material and fabric, but also the positioning of certain furniture. The details were so intricate and lifelike that I could almost picture myself standing there. It wasn't the house we were in right now, but a different one I had never seen before. It had three floors and pillars that surrounded the porch outside. The mansion had a certain timeless charm to it and was symmetrically pleasing to the eyes.

"I suppose you could say that. However, these little drawings only serve as an aid to complete the idea I have in mind." I was stunned; I had never seen anyone draw with such precision. Not even my mother could have replicated them. Every stroke was placed deliberately, but also quite delicately. I had always loved the realistic style of painting; it was amazing to slowly see something come to life on a piece of paper. But with all those sketches on the side…maybe…

"Are you thinking about renovating that mansion?" It could be a possibility. I knew about the occupation of an architect, but never before had I seen a woman working in such a profession. To my absolute delight she nodded.  
"It looks beautiful." I now stood beside her arm chair so that I wouldn't miss a single stroke her pencil made. Esme had turned back to her drawing, not bothered by my presence at all, and began picking up where she had left off.

"Thank you, dear. That is very kind of you to say." I should have probably left it at that, let everyone enjoy the silence that spread across the room, but I was too interested to let the topic slide.

"Are you an architect?" She didn't lift her pencil from the paper as she answered me.

"Sometimes I am. My interest in architecture and design actually first began solely as a hobby. But as my passion grew and my thirst for knowledge could no longer be quenched by books alone-" she smiled sheepishly at her confession-"I decided to study it at a university. Now I design both houses for other people and for my family." I nodded from time to time as I listened to her words. I had no idea such an employment could be sought for by women. And even if they were interested in it, the chances of actually getting hired were even slimmer. But I was glad to see someone succeed at something they were so passionate about.

I wished I could have introduced Cassie to this woman. The little girl, who had been my best friend back at the Catholic school, had always been put down by some of our teachers for her dreams concerning her future. They were apparently ridiculous and too far out of reach for someone like her. She had been told that it was better to change her dreams now than to follow them and end up on the streets. The profession of an architect had also been extremely appealing to her and despite her young age she had been so sure of her future since the very beginning. I could still hear her voice telling me about how she knew it was the right path for her because it made her happy. But that wish was soon beaten out of her and by the year we finished primary school her future plans had changed. In my eyes Cassie deserved, more than anyone else, to find her way back to her original dream and pursue it. It would have been nice if she could have sat next to me right now and listened to Esme's inspiring words.

I pointed at the drawing of the mansion's front side.

"Is it one of houses in this city?" If it was I had to go and see it one day. It looked absolutely gorgeous; I really had to give Esme credit for all the thoughts and hard work she put into her project. I was sure that it would pay off in the end.

"No, it is one of our other houses in a town not too far from here. We lived there once about 22 years ago. And at some point I am sure that we will move back there again. That is why I do my best to preserve the house until we do." She spoke so fondly of her creation and I could understand her feelings perfectly. I also used to feel like that whenever I finished another painting. It was like trying to put a piece of yourself onto paper, so it had to be perfect. It was difficult enough to accurately portray the vision you had in your mind, so if you managed to pull that off you could definitely be proud of it. But there was another thing I still couldn't understand.

"Why are you waiting for such a long time to go back there? Why not go now?" This time it was Jasper who piped up and joined the conversation.

"Some of us chose to enrol in universities which require pictures and identity verifications as well as a general background of each individual student. It takes some effort to forge these papers and it takes even longer for people to forget," slowly I started to understand. "The best course of action is generally to wait for about 100 years before moving back to the same place in order to avoid being recognized." His voice sounded casual, as if he wasn't just talking about the fact that they had to wait for everyone they came in contact with to die first before they could visit a town again. I felt a shiver run down my spine.

Wasn't it horrible to watch everyone you knew slowly wither away just to come back and start anew as if nothing ever happened? Wouldn't such an existence be incredibly...lonely? Why would you return to the places you once knew that now only held empty memories of events long forgotten by everyone but you?

"Why go back in the first place? Isn't it safer to move to a completely different place to avoid even the smallest chance of detection?" Jasper looked like he agreed with me but Esme was the one who replied.

"We sometimes return to the cities that we enjoyed living in the most. I suppose you could call it melancholic but every now and then there is something beautiful about certain ones and the wish to see them again is quite understandable." Esme's statement held sentiment; I could tell that some of these locations held a special place in her heart. She valued those precious memories. Maybe leaving was difficult for them as well, but they simply had no choice if they wanted to protect their secret. That was the price that came with vampirism.

I started to understand why they needed each other. No one would want to face all of these challenges on their own. Making friends in an unfamiliar town, building up a new life, and then running away only a few years later as not to reveal your true nature to them. Coming back one day with only memories of them remaining while knowing fully well that they weren't alive anymore. Being aware of the fact that you missed out on important parts of their lives that you wished you could have been a part of, but you will never be able to relive them because you missed your chance. And none of that was your choice. I couldn't even fathom how much mental strength that required. It made sense why they would form their own family, one that wouldn't die before them. My heart ached as those thoughts filled my head.

Before I could continue speaking I heard a car coming up the drive way and felt my body instantly tense up. I really had to work on that; I couldn't react with fear each time another one of them walked through the doorway. After all, the conversation I had right now had been pleasant and went by extremely quickly. Esme was a nice person to talk to. Her voice was gentle and soothing; it was quite enjoyable to listen to her stories. Perhaps those feelings of fear would lessen after a while? I just needed a bit more time to get used to all of them. "Just relax" I told myself and to my surprise it worked like a magic charm.

The door opened and Rosalie and Emmett walked in. Both of them had book bags hanging off their shoulders. Had they been at a university all morning? They stopped when they saw me.

"U-uhm...hello! Welcome back?" I thought that I should take the first step and greet them, even though I sounded more like I was asking a question than anything else. Adding a smile for good measures should do the trick, right? I relaxed a little when Emmett smiled in my direction and even Rosalie offered a "Hello". Well, I guess you can call that a success.

All of a sudden Esme rose from her chair.

"I suppose it is worth a try…" she murmured more to herself before she turned around to look at us. "I will be going out for a bit but I will be back soon. Don't do anything reckless while I am gone." With those words she left the room, seemingly already deep in thoughts. At the last part she, funnily enough, addressed Emmett who raised his arms in defence, showing that he was innocent. I wondered what the story behind that was.

Nearly immediately Jasper got up as well and after giving Alice a kiss on the cheek he called after Esme and followed her. Something told me that he really didn't like being in the same room as me. I suppressed a sigh and carefully plopped down on the arm chair that was now not occupied anymore. It was true that he had scared me the most out of everyone at first because of the many scars he had. But I now knew that it was unfair to judge someone by their outer appearance. I had learned that with Emmett who was far less threatening than he looked. And Jasper was another candidate whom this theory applied to. Furthermore, he wasn't the only one who had scars and I wouldn't wish for people to think I was dangerous because of them. I subconsciously reached up to rub at the mark on my right shoulder. My intentions had never been for him to dislike me as much as he now apparently did. I had to set this right somehow.

"So, why are you all sitting around like that? Did I miss something?" Emmett spoke up again as he swung himself over the backrest of the sofa and flopped down onto it. He was now sitting opposite of Alice and closer to me. I pulled my legs to my chest, wrapped my arms around them and sunk further into the cushion of the chair.

"Nope." Alice didn't even look up as she continued to skim her book. "Esme and Emily were talking about architecture." I could see Emmett jokingly roll his eyes.

"Boring. Hey-" now he had turned around to address me- "How about I tell you something even more interesting?" He leaned a little closer to me and I nodded, turning my head to show that I was giving him my full intention.

"Oh! Is that the latest collection we were talking about last time?" In the background I could hear that Rosalie had now joined Alice on her side of the couch, her eyes flying over the page Alice held out towards her with intrigue. What collection?

"Do you like baseball?" After shortly listening in on Alice and Rosalie's conversation, Emmett's sudden question surprised me. I tilted my head in confusion. Out of everything he could have asked me this was a question I had least expected.  
"Don't tell me that you don't know what that is." He feigned shock.

"Emmett, not everyone in the world is interested in baseball, or sports for that matter." Alice replied nonchalantly.

"Tell that to Edward." Emmett grumbled and I heard Alice snicker. I couldn't follow their conversation anymore since I didn't understand their inside jokes and decided that I would just answer Emmett's question.

"Well, I have heard some people at school mention it a few times but I never really cared enough to find out more about it..." And because I didn't want to disappoint him I added. "But you can tell me about it if you like!" Emmett grinned at me.

"Well, you can be glad that I found you before Edward did. He is a total fanatic when it comes to baseball and would probably talk your ear off if he got the chance. I saved you from that horrible fate." I couldn't help but giggle at his overdramatic antics.

"Don't you use some kind of bat to play it?" I offered him the least bit of knowledge about the sport I could recall. And with that Emmett hurled himself into stories about people at his school who played the sport. And about how he would have loved to contribute to their game but playing with humans was no fun since he couldn't exert himself the way he wanted to. He continuously had to hold back his strength and speed as not to hurt them accidently. And that just simply wasn't any fun since he loved challenges.

Soon enough my head was swimming with strategic moves about baseball and all the needed vocabulary that came with it. I now knew what the different fielding positions were called, what and where the bases were located, and what equipment you needed to play it. Emmett might have called Edward obsessed with the sport but I think that he too had developed a liking for it.

As the conversation came to an end, I settled with simply watching Alice and Rosalie talk. The thing in Alice's hands wasn't a novel after all, but more of a lookbook. Rosalie wasn't as interested in it as Alice, this year's collection didn't seem to impress her much. But from time to time she threw in a few comments about shapes and colours. It was very interesting to see just how much all of their hobbies varied.

Nevertheless, there was still something on my mind that I hadn't been able to forget yet. Even though Esme, Carlisle and Alice seemed to accept my presence I wasn't so sure if everyone agreed with their decision. They all had such a close bond and although I was sure that everyone had their favourites who they got along with best, the love that they felt for one another was something special. And I just felt out of place, as if I was interfering with their relationships. An outsider, who suddenly broke into this sacred place that had originally belonged to them and who had no place in their midst. It was probably better if I disappeared from their lives as soon as my goal was achieved.

"By the way, I wanted to apologize for intruding on all of you like this. I know how weird it is that I suddenly turned up out of the blue and have now become part of your lives without giving you much of a choice at all." That must have been part of the reason why Jasper disliked me, or why Rosalie kept her distance. I also probably didn't appear like the nicest person because of my shyness.

"Actually, you wouldn't be the first one." Rosalie replied and I looked up in surprise.

"Who-?" My gaze fell towards Alice who winked at me.

"Alice and Jasper turned up on our doorstep about 8 years ago. No warning beforehand, just two strangers, and one of them could even address us all by our names. It definitely gave us quite the fright." I tried to picture how all of them must have reacted to something as weird as that.  
"So, I guess you could say that you aren't the only newcomer." Rosalie shrugged. For some reason I felt a little better after hearing their little story.

So, Alice and Jasper were both relatively new members of the coven, and despite only staying here for 8 years they already seemed to perfectly fit in with the others. Maybe if I gave it time I could also try to become friends with them? Hold on…it wasn't like I actually had the time to stay here for more than a year. I had to be quick and return to my family. But then…why didn't the desire to get to know them better disappear?

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 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I personally love writing scenes that involve the Cullens; they are all such interesting characters. Please consider leaving a review to tell me your thoughts! Have a nice day! - J.C.**


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